Weekly Zoot - 2/19/10 - Zooting Gingerly

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Tiger Woods stood up Friday in front of a small group of friends, and the tens of millions of people who dropped whatever it is they were doing to watch through the camera lens that Tiger spoke to directly. The press conference today was almost a no win situation for Tiger, but I think he did about as well as he could have. He seemed sincere, and I liked what he had to say. But I do wish he had taken some questions from the media. Like maybe these for example:

-Tiger, how did you get all those extra hours into your day?
6 months ago, we all thought that Tiger was the most focused and driven athlete any of us had ever seen. I thought Tiger was thinking about golf when he fell asleep, dreamed about ways to improve his short game, then woke up with new ideas about how to navigate amen corner. I was sure that he spent so much time on the golf course that he wouldn't be able to confidently pick his own children out of a lineup. I applauded his focus and drive, and I thought it was the reason he won. Now, we find out that Tiger was all over the map, living a party lifestyle that you only see in the music videos they play after 4 am on BET (anyone who is an insomniac with more than basic cable knows exactly what I am talking about). I have no idea how he was able to find time to star in a Juvenile video 24/7 and still be the most dominating athlete on the planet. I am totally against cheating, but that is pretty impressive. How many majors do you think he'd have now if he wasn't busy slaying the entire cast of Flavor of Love? Now he says he's going to focus solely on golf, and all I can think is that Jack must be seriously bummed out; I'm more confident he'll get to 18 now more than ever.

-Excuse me, Mr. Woods, what exactly did happen to your face then?
El Tigre made it very clear in his press conference that Elin did not hit him in the head with a golf club, nor was she the claws behind the scratches on his face that resulted from a car accident on thanksgiving. I wasn't there that night, so I have to take Tiger's word for it I guess. But if Elin didn't clock him, and if she wasn't chasing him, what exactly led to the car accident you got in? I'm not going to speculate because there is no way to be sure, but there must have been a reason that Tiger navigated his own driveway so unsuccessfully. I don't think it was his first time driving down it, but it could have been his first time doing so at 40 or so miles an hour. And also, am I the only one who was a little bummed out to hear that Elin didn't mess up Tiger's face? I thought she deserved the opportunity to take out some aggression on tiger, and using a golf club, the tool with which he built the lifestyle in which he lived, was so beautifully ironic. The story definitely got a little less interesting at this point.

-How awesome is a 45 day sex therapy clinic?
This question is based on my own warped and probably completely false conceptions of sleep away sex rehab. I've watched enough celebrity rehab to know how it works with drugs, i think. You check in, they make sure you have no (and I mean NO) contraband on you, then you sit around with other addicts and complain about how much you miss drugs while smoking 25-30 cigarettes a day. But in sex rehab, how do you remove the contraband from the situation? Its not like they can make tiger relinquish his 1-wood (wordplay!) at the door. Maybe I've seen too many movies about it, but I really can't see a group of sex addicts living in the same environment for too long before giving into their vice. I never think about Sex therapy as rehab, I think of it as a large collection of the easiest girls Tiger will ever meet (which is really saying something having seen some of the girls he did take home, including one that is an actual factual porn star. No really, look it up. She just came out with a video called "Tiger's mistress number 7"; can't you just feel her self-respect in that title?)

Unfortunately, Tiger didn't give the media the opportunity to ask these, or even some slightly less ridiculous questions. All in all, I think he did a pretty good job today in what was essentially a no-win situation for him. I was a Tiger fan before this all came out, and I will be again the next time he laces up his spikes. He took a significant hit to his reputation, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he becomes a better man for it.

Weekly Zoot - 2/11/10 - Most Wonderful Time of the Zoot

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Don't look now, but this coming weekend might be one of the best sports weekends out of the entire year. I say that with all due respect to the Super Bowl and all its pomp and circumstance; which not only crowned the under-dog everyone was rooting for, but was also as good of a game as anybody could hope for. If you're still buried under about 3 feet of snow like I and everyone else in the mid-Atlantic is, than this weekend will make sitting on your couch for 40-50 straight hours slightly more tolerable than it has been so far this week. Stretch those flipping thumbs out and check out this schedule:

Winter Olympics:
Let me preface this entire section by acknowledging that nobody really cares about the Winter Olympics, or as I like to call it, the Olympic's Dollar Menu. It has a few events that are interesting, but for the most part its sports that we are not familiar with, let alone passionate about. NBA makes Figure Skating their flagship competition, and that immediately alienates half of their viewership, and "Be Good Johnny Weir" isn't helping. In some ways, I kind of even feel bad for Curling; it has come to completely represent the Winter Olympics, and that is an unfair comparison for the sport, and the games. Having said all of that bad stuff, the Opening Ceremonies are still engaging, and they start Friday. It will be your opportunity to enjoy the Winter Olympics before the competition starts and you rememeber how bad the Winter Olympics are. I personally don't watch the Winter Olympics that much. I usually just watch the Ceremonies, then at some point in the next two weeks I have this 5 minute exchange with my television.

-Flipping through the channels I see the Winter Olympics are on, and they are covering Bobsledding. I briefly remember Cool Runnings and how much I like that movie, then I wait to see if the next team that is going to race is the Jamaican one while I sing, "We got the one Derice and the one Junior, the fastest of the fastest of Jamaican sprinters..." - which of course it never is. I give the Olympics one, maybe two more runs to produce the Jamaican team, and when they refuse I decide to just put the movie on instead.

That is the only roughly 270 seconds I will spend watching the Winter Olympiad, save for of course the Opening Ceremony. At the very least, its something worth having on mute while you're at a party or with a group of people. Its a conversation piece basically, but still worth watching.

All-Star Weekend:
The NBA goes on vacation to Dallas this weekend for its annual All-Star festivities, which now has more events and competitions than the aforementioned Olympics. There's the (ranked in order of how much I care about them)

Legend's Three Ball Competition: One legendary player, teams up with no greater from the third best player currently playing from the team they used to play for, and a WNBA player who plays in the same city, team up to play a game that makes no sense and doesn't matter. Its basically an excuse to make fun of old men who can't really play anymore. They retired for a reason, yet we keep dragging them back just to see how fat they've gotten, and how broke their jump-shot is. I have no reason why we do this.
Celebrity Game: A pick up game made up of B-list celebrities and athletes trying to piss of their team's owner. I guarantee you say, "O wow, Whats his face - I could have sworn he died" at least three times in this game. Only silver lining is TO returning to Dallas, hopefully he does something that sparks some sort of small riot.
HORSE Game: I'm not going to explain this because I know you all grew up in America and have an extensive history playing HORSE. Israeli's first NBAer Omri Casspi, will face my personal hero Rajon Rondo (pronounced entirely in falsetto) and defending champ Kevin Durant. It could be interesting, as Paupl Pierce has said that Rondo is the best player he's ever played HORse against, ever since Rondo was a rookie. Apparently he can spin shots off the backboard like no one else can, so tht something to look out for I guess. And the Durantula (Just heard it on Sportscenter, kinda like it, taking it for a walk to see how it feels) is always worth watching)
Rookie-Sophomore Game:
You know how there is no defense in the actual all-star game? Well this is an all-star game featuring players who haven't even learned to play defense yet. It's almost exclusively Alley-Oop Dunks and Threes. Luckily, we like that kind of thing.
3-point contest:
Would be better if it was actually an indication of who is the best shooter, not just who is the hottest that particular night. Last year's champ Daquan Cook is shooting 31% from behind the arc this year. It also favors guys with a fast release. Paul Pierce is shooting 47% from beyond this year, but he has virtually no shot to win this competition because of his pace and mechanics. Its pretty entertaining, but its like the Kid's Choice awards for Shooters, it doesn't really mean anything.
Dunk Contest
This should be at the top of the list, but it has become to watered down over the last decade or so. I find it shocking that Lebron will go through his career never having participated in a dunk contest. I would have expected someone who is so well-versed in the history of the game to understnad how important it was in building the legends of Michael Thompson, Dr. J, 'Niquw, Michael, and more recently Kobe and Vinsanity. No one of note is participating in the contest this year. There are some good dunkers in the competition, but the best the contest needs to be between stars, not rising stars. It's just a shame no one wants to participate anymore. I'm calling Demar Derozan to win it all the way from Friday's Dunk In; book it. That man can fly, I know from experience - I'm the guy with the white button down standing under the hoop with his arms crossed: true story.)
All-Star Game
Like I said before, the All-star game is a no defense display of dunks, but isn't that why we watch? A lot of people are critical of the all-star game because they want the players to take it more seriously - usually they just showboat until there are about 6 minutes left, then they play for the win. But I think this is how the game should be, an unbridled display of offense. It's like Ms. America, but the whole thing is the swimsuit competition. Exciting plays is why we watch, so why not make the whole game one big highlight? Either way, that's what it is, and if you like basketball, it is definitely worth watching. In continuing to toot Rondo's horn, he's the type of player who can steal the show in an all-star game. If he gets the playing time, he'll have double digit assists, and a chance at MVP.



When you add all of that with a full slate of College Basketball games, its almost too much handle - or the perfect amount if you cancel everything else you have scheduled. There's enough good sports on, that if you're proficient enough at flipping you won't have to sit through a commercial break all weekend.

Weekly Zoot - 1/26/09 - This Zoot's Got Horns

The Weekly Zoot is all the news you needed some time ago, soon
Hey Everybody, the Zoot is back! In a new power-packed once a week version. We're gonna play a game, if you can guess which day of the week it comes out on, you win. Unfortunately the only grand prize I can only offer you is the satisfaction of knowing you were right, I couldn't get any sponsors. But anyway let's get back into it; you guys still remember sports, right? Ok good.

Then I know you still remember Brett Favre. And its actually starting to look like he might become just that, a memory. The Vikings lost to the Saints in the NFC Championship on Sunday, ending their season and Favre's fairy tale run at a Super Bowl. This entire season just sorta felt like Favre's last, so I tend to believe him (Apprehensive? me too) when he says, that his coming back for another is unlikely. I know the answer will change a million times, and we won't know for sure until some time six months from now, but this time I'm leaning towards retirement. Call me crazy, but I think there might actually be a wolf this time.

His first retirement was a brief one right before his final season in Green Bay, (that's right, this will be his fourth straight off-season in which he's retired) it was pretty clear he wanted to come back, but just didn't want to go to training camp. Then came the off-season that the City of Green Bay exploded; the one that saw Favre end up in Jets' Green. At that point, we all knew he did not want to see his career end with that interception to Corey Webster that all but sealed the NFC Championship game for the G-men. And I think we all knew Favre didn't really want to end his career with that horrifying season with the Jets (Do you remember how excited Jets fans were when they traded for him? Adorable). We knew he wanted a shot, or two, at the Packers; and we knew he would get that opportunity in Purple.

But this one feels different. Even though his season ended with a similarly devastating interception, this one to Tracy Porter. Favre's last pass has been an interception that lost the NFC Championship Game, in two out of the last three seasons-yikes. This seems like a good time for him to hang 'em up, even if this was one of his better seasons ever. Again, I won't be surprised if he gives it another go in six months (ugh).

Also: What is up with the Vikings? The first rumors about their replacement for Favre is a trade for Donovan McNabb, or one of the other Eagle's quarterbacks. First, they made Favre break up with Green Bay, now they're gonna try to pry McNabb out of Philly. I'm not ok with all this home-wrecking, get your own QB Purple.

`09 Fall Classic Preview: A view from the middle

Its that time of year again where we all get cozy on our couches pop open a cold one or zap up some hot fresh pop corn and settle in for what looks to be a week long battle. We are certainly in for a treat as the 105th fall classic features a match up of the two most prolific offenses during the regular and post seasons. The Yankees who have boasted the best record at home this season and having not lost a single post-season game in the Bronx will look to capture their 27th world title and their first since 2000 in the infamous subway series. The Phillies are looking to be the first team since the Yanks in `98 to win back-to-back title's. Only 108 miles separate these two cities in what's being called the battle for New Jersey. Here's a look at a couple story lines to throw into the mix:

1. Eliminating Umpire Error

As we have all seen throughout the playoffs this year huge umpire errors have created quite a stir among both fans and coaches especially with the replay technology that all of the covering networks employ. But some mistakes technology can't fix, for instance in Game 4 of the ALCS veteran crew chief Tim McClelland, who has been in baseball for longer than my short life of 22 years, made a huge judgement call when Yankee runners Jorge Posada and Robinson Cano were both clearly tagged out before they could safely step on the third base bag. McClelland argued that he only saw Posada get tagged and when looking over at Cano saw his foot clearly on the bag at third. But even in real time an infant could have gotten this right, both runners were clearly tagged out by third baseman Chone Figgins and should have ended any threat the Yanks could unleash that inning. In the same game McClelland again botched a tag play at third with runner Nick Swisher. Video replay's showed McClelland only looking out towards center field for the catch and his eyes were nowhere near Swisher's foot on the third base bag. An appeal was made by the Angels and Swisher was called out. So lets actually use that million dollar replay system for more controversial plays where the human eye cannot always catch or risk riots in the Big Apple and City of Brotherly Love.

2. Which Team has the defensive edge?
The two top offensive teams during the regular season also boast solid defense in the field. Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard is coming off a huge season improvement in the field. For the Yankees Mark Teixeira, has been the biggest improvement on the infield and possibly the best defensive first baseman since Wade Boggs. His range of balls in the air, his ability to dig balls out of the dirt and his powerful arm have really locked down the Yanks infield. And as we saw with the Angels in the ALCS a bad defense will almost never win in the postseason.

3. How Good are both Game 1 starters?
C.C. has been light's out all season and postseason long. With a record of 3-0 this postseason and an ERA just above 1 he has been the backbone of a solid Yanks three-man playoff rotation. Pitching on three days rest for Game 4 of the ALCS, Sabathia went eight innings at 101 pitches, the last of which was clocked at 93 mph. Thats nasty! On the opposing side former Indians teammate to Sabathia Cliff Lee has also been impressive this postseason. With a 2-0 record and an ERA (0.74) under 1.

Finally will Alex Rodriguez win his first coveted Series Championship and take Kate Hudson on a magical ride to Disney World, well only time will tell. Tune in tonight on FOX first pitch set for 7:57 p.m. ET.

Daily Zoot - 9/30/09 - A Cautionary Zoot

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-It wasn't that long ago that Francisco Liriano was Baseball's "Next Big Thing." He was originally signed by the Giants, but was acquired by the Twins in the easily forgettable trade that brought A.J. Pierzynski to the bay. After starting his rookie year in the pen, Liriano took advantage of an opportunity to start, and immediately became one of the league's best hurlers. He went 12-3 in just 16 starts, with a 2.13 era. Those are impressive numbers for any pitcher, let alone a 23-year-old rook in his first full season. He won 2 AL Rookie of the month awards that year, and would have finished with the lowest era had he not been injured before he could reach the minimum innings pitched to be considered. The injury also cost him a shot at Rookie of the Year honors, something he was considered a pretty safe lock for had he remained healthy. "Had he remained healthy" then became a phrase synonymous with the rest of Liriano's career so far.

Shortly after that 2006 season he had Tommy John surgery, a procedure to replace the ligament in the elbow that gets worn out when someone throws a baseball 500 times a day. The twisting motion of a slider does the most damage, and that was Liriano's go to pitch. He missed the entire 2007 season. By the time he returned in 2008, people had already forgotten about him. He plays in a small market, for a team that wasn't spectacularly good or bad. He pitched in and out of the minors that year, but finished strong with a 3-0 record to close the season in the majors.

This season, the wheels have totally fallen off the wagon. He is 5-13 with an era that's a shade under 6, and a 1.56 whip (walks+hits per inning pitched). His fastball is nearly what it was. He went from throwing in the mid to high 90's to throwing in the low to mid 90's. You can win with a 93 mph fastball that isn't the issue. He just can not get his slider to turn over anymore; there is no where near as much movement on it as when he was dominant. So now he has to pitch to the corners, and throw way more change-ups than he wants. The results speak for themselves.

I'm writing about Francisco, because no one seems to care whats going on with this sure thing prospect who is still only 25-years old. I am calling it now (and I expect to be held accountable) Liriano finishes next year with at least 10 wins, and a winning record. It took Chris Carpenter a few years to bounce back from Tommy John, and now he is back to being a Cy Young candidate. I'm hoping that its the same with Liriano.

Daily Zoot - 9/23/09 - The Annexation Puerto Zoot

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Saturday's game between Urban Meyer's Florida Gators, and Lane Kiffin's Tennessee Volunteers was expected to be a heated game between two rivals with both traditional, and new-found hate for one another. I expected Lane Kiffin to rile up his troops to earn him his first win against a big SEC power house. But more than that I expected the Florida Buzzsaw to leave nothing more than little shreds of orange fabric on the field. It turned out to be little more than a lull in the action.

Heading into this past off-season, Florida and Tennesse was no longer one of the premier rivalries in College Football. Florida had won four straight, and the game had lost some of its intrigue nationwide. Lane the Brain (and I call him that because he was able to drum up all this attention for a team that isn't so good, smart move if you ask me. one of you asked me, right?) all but guaranteed a win against Florida in his first presser, then accused the Florida staff of NCAA violations at a public event a few weeks later; accusations which would prove untrue. Urbania Meyer (Urbania is a better football name than Urban; Little Giants anyone? Home of Kevin and Danny O'Shea?) hung up little Kiffin quotes and snippets and pictures around his locker room to try and fire his guys up. Everyone including myself thought that to be a strategy that would prove successful. Everyone including myself also thought that Florida would destroy Tennessee when they met. The bad blood continued to simmer until the kickoff last Saturday afternoon in Gainesville...

Then the game happened, Florida wins by an uninspiring 10 points, 23-13. Everyone including myself was disappointed.

I for one thought the whole thing to be over; I thought wrong. Let's play a favorite game of mine: What they said/what they meant

Kiffin came out on Monday and said he couldn't wait to face Florida next year without Tebow because he is such a great player.
Superman is all they got. Take #15 out of this one and we win this game.

Meyer responded to criticisms of the narrowness of Florida's victory by saying he went with a conservative approach because Tennessee wasn't coaching to win, and that a lot of his players had the flu.
Lane doesn't know how to coach a team to win a game in this conference, we didn't even have to try to win to do so. Our guys are better than theirs even when we're all swined out.

Kiffin, when asked if any of his players were sick, said he would wait until his team played a game they were unenthusiastic about, then he would say they had the flu.
F%&@ YOU URBAN!

I get it, you two don't really like each other, and that's great; I support, endorse, and encourage that. I just wish you could make the game itself as aggressive and mean spirited as your press-conferences. Let us out here enjoy all this hate with you. Thank You.

Daily Zoot - 9/22/09 - Zoot Rain Delay

Hey Everybody, I apologize but there will be no Zoot today. I got a bunch of other things to do. Unfortunately ThemSports isn't the only thing I am responsible for with my time, so unless somebody out there wants to start paying me there are gonna have to be days like this. Check back in tomorrow, we should be back on track.

Daily Zoot - 9/17/09 - Fumble-Zoot-ski

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon
Last Monday night, with his Buffalo Bills clinging to a 5 point lead, return man Leodis McKelvin fielded a kickoff a few yards deep in his own end zone. Being the return man that he is, he tried to return it (go figure). He got to about the 20 when he started encountering some opposition. Patriots FS Brandon Meriweather delivered a big hit, but McKelvin stayed standing - which would prove to be his biggest mistake. Meriweather then teamed up with teammate Pierre Woods to strip the ball from McKelvin, and the Pats would recover. The Patriots would then march down the short remainder of the field and score in the final moments to win the game.

Buffalo had led for most of the contest, and the defeat was a heart-breaker for the whole city (can I call Buffalo a city? Isn't it just a slightly larger than normal group of people who have come together to try and use each others body heat to stay warm in an otherwise frigid upstate New York? Does that count as a city these days?). But people are going a bit too far in their treating of McKelvin. Recently, some Buffalo teenagers (is there a more angst ridden group of indivuduals than teenagers who are forced to live in Buffalo?) vandalized his front yard. I'll admit that he should not have taken the ball out of the end zone, and that once he did he should have done a better job at securing it, but we can't criticize a player for doing something that had it gone well we would be praising him for. If he had returned it for a touchdown, there wouldn't be a single word coming out that he should have knelt.

Last Thursday, everyone was on Hines Ward's case about potentially fumbling the game away on the four yard line after making a play that appeared to set up the game winning field goal. everyone clamored, "He should have taken a knee! Why doesn't he just take a knee!? Won't somebody stop him?!" His entire life, people have been telling Hines to get the ball in the end zone. But now he's supposed to go against his entire life of conditioning? The only thing on his mind is getting in the end zone, and frankly that's exactly what I would want from any of my players.

Taking a knee to preserve a win has only happened once that I can remember (Brian westbrook a few years ago) in recent memory. He was universally praised, but at the time people also couldn't believe his headiness; how could he possibly think to do this? What a smart play! But when the opposite happens, we expect that the athlete to go back on everything they know and make the play that's foreign to them.

I'm not saying that it is unreasonable to think that McKelvin could have taken a knee on that kickoff; and I concede that it probably did cost the Bills the game. I just don't think that you can get too angry at a player who is just doing everything he was ever taught, and trying as hard as he can to help his team win.