`09 Fall Classic Preview: A view from the middle

Its that time of year again where we all get cozy on our couches pop open a cold one or zap up some hot fresh pop corn and settle in for what looks to be a week long battle. We are certainly in for a treat as the 105th fall classic features a match up of the two most prolific offenses during the regular and post seasons. The Yankees who have boasted the best record at home this season and having not lost a single post-season game in the Bronx will look to capture their 27th world title and their first since 2000 in the infamous subway series. The Phillies are looking to be the first team since the Yanks in `98 to win back-to-back title's. Only 108 miles separate these two cities in what's being called the battle for New Jersey. Here's a look at a couple story lines to throw into the mix:

1. Eliminating Umpire Error

As we have all seen throughout the playoffs this year huge umpire errors have created quite a stir among both fans and coaches especially with the replay technology that all of the covering networks employ. But some mistakes technology can't fix, for instance in Game 4 of the ALCS veteran crew chief Tim McClelland, who has been in baseball for longer than my short life of 22 years, made a huge judgement call when Yankee runners Jorge Posada and Robinson Cano were both clearly tagged out before they could safely step on the third base bag. McClelland argued that he only saw Posada get tagged and when looking over at Cano saw his foot clearly on the bag at third. But even in real time an infant could have gotten this right, both runners were clearly tagged out by third baseman Chone Figgins and should have ended any threat the Yanks could unleash that inning. In the same game McClelland again botched a tag play at third with runner Nick Swisher. Video replay's showed McClelland only looking out towards center field for the catch and his eyes were nowhere near Swisher's foot on the third base bag. An appeal was made by the Angels and Swisher was called out. So lets actually use that million dollar replay system for more controversial plays where the human eye cannot always catch or risk riots in the Big Apple and City of Brotherly Love.

2. Which Team has the defensive edge?
The two top offensive teams during the regular season also boast solid defense in the field. Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard is coming off a huge season improvement in the field. For the Yankees Mark Teixeira, has been the biggest improvement on the infield and possibly the best defensive first baseman since Wade Boggs. His range of balls in the air, his ability to dig balls out of the dirt and his powerful arm have really locked down the Yanks infield. And as we saw with the Angels in the ALCS a bad defense will almost never win in the postseason.

3. How Good are both Game 1 starters?
C.C. has been light's out all season and postseason long. With a record of 3-0 this postseason and an ERA just above 1 he has been the backbone of a solid Yanks three-man playoff rotation. Pitching on three days rest for Game 4 of the ALCS, Sabathia went eight innings at 101 pitches, the last of which was clocked at 93 mph. Thats nasty! On the opposing side former Indians teammate to Sabathia Cliff Lee has also been impressive this postseason. With a 2-0 record and an ERA (0.74) under 1.

Finally will Alex Rodriguez win his first coveted Series Championship and take Kate Hudson on a magical ride to Disney World, well only time will tell. Tune in tonight on FOX first pitch set for 7:57 p.m. ET.

Daily Zoot - 9/30/09 - A Cautionary Zoot

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-It wasn't that long ago that Francisco Liriano was Baseball's "Next Big Thing." He was originally signed by the Giants, but was acquired by the Twins in the easily forgettable trade that brought A.J. Pierzynski to the bay. After starting his rookie year in the pen, Liriano took advantage of an opportunity to start, and immediately became one of the league's best hurlers. He went 12-3 in just 16 starts, with a 2.13 era. Those are impressive numbers for any pitcher, let alone a 23-year-old rook in his first full season. He won 2 AL Rookie of the month awards that year, and would have finished with the lowest era had he not been injured before he could reach the minimum innings pitched to be considered. The injury also cost him a shot at Rookie of the Year honors, something he was considered a pretty safe lock for had he remained healthy. "Had he remained healthy" then became a phrase synonymous with the rest of Liriano's career so far.

Shortly after that 2006 season he had Tommy John surgery, a procedure to replace the ligament in the elbow that gets worn out when someone throws a baseball 500 times a day. The twisting motion of a slider does the most damage, and that was Liriano's go to pitch. He missed the entire 2007 season. By the time he returned in 2008, people had already forgotten about him. He plays in a small market, for a team that wasn't spectacularly good or bad. He pitched in and out of the minors that year, but finished strong with a 3-0 record to close the season in the majors.

This season, the wheels have totally fallen off the wagon. He is 5-13 with an era that's a shade under 6, and a 1.56 whip (walks+hits per inning pitched). His fastball is nearly what it was. He went from throwing in the mid to high 90's to throwing in the low to mid 90's. You can win with a 93 mph fastball that isn't the issue. He just can not get his slider to turn over anymore; there is no where near as much movement on it as when he was dominant. So now he has to pitch to the corners, and throw way more change-ups than he wants. The results speak for themselves.

I'm writing about Francisco, because no one seems to care whats going on with this sure thing prospect who is still only 25-years old. I am calling it now (and I expect to be held accountable) Liriano finishes next year with at least 10 wins, and a winning record. It took Chris Carpenter a few years to bounce back from Tommy John, and now he is back to being a Cy Young candidate. I'm hoping that its the same with Liriano.

Daily Zoot - 9/23/09 - The Annexation Puerto Zoot

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Saturday's game between Urban Meyer's Florida Gators, and Lane Kiffin's Tennessee Volunteers was expected to be a heated game between two rivals with both traditional, and new-found hate for one another. I expected Lane Kiffin to rile up his troops to earn him his first win against a big SEC power house. But more than that I expected the Florida Buzzsaw to leave nothing more than little shreds of orange fabric on the field. It turned out to be little more than a lull in the action.

Heading into this past off-season, Florida and Tennesse was no longer one of the premier rivalries in College Football. Florida had won four straight, and the game had lost some of its intrigue nationwide. Lane the Brain (and I call him that because he was able to drum up all this attention for a team that isn't so good, smart move if you ask me. one of you asked me, right?) all but guaranteed a win against Florida in his first presser, then accused the Florida staff of NCAA violations at a public event a few weeks later; accusations which would prove untrue. Urbania Meyer (Urbania is a better football name than Urban; Little Giants anyone? Home of Kevin and Danny O'Shea?) hung up little Kiffin quotes and snippets and pictures around his locker room to try and fire his guys up. Everyone including myself thought that to be a strategy that would prove successful. Everyone including myself also thought that Florida would destroy Tennessee when they met. The bad blood continued to simmer until the kickoff last Saturday afternoon in Gainesville...

Then the game happened, Florida wins by an uninspiring 10 points, 23-13. Everyone including myself was disappointed.

I for one thought the whole thing to be over; I thought wrong. Let's play a favorite game of mine: What they said/what they meant

Kiffin came out on Monday and said he couldn't wait to face Florida next year without Tebow because he is such a great player.
Superman is all they got. Take #15 out of this one and we win this game.

Meyer responded to criticisms of the narrowness of Florida's victory by saying he went with a conservative approach because Tennessee wasn't coaching to win, and that a lot of his players had the flu.
Lane doesn't know how to coach a team to win a game in this conference, we didn't even have to try to win to do so. Our guys are better than theirs even when we're all swined out.

Kiffin, when asked if any of his players were sick, said he would wait until his team played a game they were unenthusiastic about, then he would say they had the flu.
F%&@ YOU URBAN!

I get it, you two don't really like each other, and that's great; I support, endorse, and encourage that. I just wish you could make the game itself as aggressive and mean spirited as your press-conferences. Let us out here enjoy all this hate with you. Thank You.

Daily Zoot - 9/22/09 - Zoot Rain Delay

Hey Everybody, I apologize but there will be no Zoot today. I got a bunch of other things to do. Unfortunately ThemSports isn't the only thing I am responsible for with my time, so unless somebody out there wants to start paying me there are gonna have to be days like this. Check back in tomorrow, we should be back on track.

Daily Zoot - 9/17/09 - Fumble-Zoot-ski

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Last Monday night, with his Buffalo Bills clinging to a 5 point lead, return man Leodis McKelvin fielded a kickoff a few yards deep in his own end zone. Being the return man that he is, he tried to return it (go figure). He got to about the 20 when he started encountering some opposition. Patriots FS Brandon Meriweather delivered a big hit, but McKelvin stayed standing - which would prove to be his biggest mistake. Meriweather then teamed up with teammate Pierre Woods to strip the ball from McKelvin, and the Pats would recover. The Patriots would then march down the short remainder of the field and score in the final moments to win the game.

Buffalo had led for most of the contest, and the defeat was a heart-breaker for the whole city (can I call Buffalo a city? Isn't it just a slightly larger than normal group of people who have come together to try and use each others body heat to stay warm in an otherwise frigid upstate New York? Does that count as a city these days?). But people are going a bit too far in their treating of McKelvin. Recently, some Buffalo teenagers (is there a more angst ridden group of indivuduals than teenagers who are forced to live in Buffalo?) vandalized his front yard. I'll admit that he should not have taken the ball out of the end zone, and that once he did he should have done a better job at securing it, but we can't criticize a player for doing something that had it gone well we would be praising him for. If he had returned it for a touchdown, there wouldn't be a single word coming out that he should have knelt.

Last Thursday, everyone was on Hines Ward's case about potentially fumbling the game away on the four yard line after making a play that appeared to set up the game winning field goal. everyone clamored, "He should have taken a knee! Why doesn't he just take a knee!? Won't somebody stop him?!" His entire life, people have been telling Hines to get the ball in the end zone. But now he's supposed to go against his entire life of conditioning? The only thing on his mind is getting in the end zone, and frankly that's exactly what I would want from any of my players.

Taking a knee to preserve a win has only happened once that I can remember (Brian westbrook a few years ago) in recent memory. He was universally praised, but at the time people also couldn't believe his headiness; how could he possibly think to do this? What a smart play! But when the opposite happens, we expect that the athlete to go back on everything they know and make the play that's foreign to them.

I'm not saying that it is unreasonable to think that McKelvin could have taken a knee on that kickoff; and I concede that it probably did cost the Bills the game. I just don't think that you can get too angry at a player who is just doing everything he was ever taught, and trying as hard as he can to help his team win.

Daily Zoot - 9/16/09 - Zoot Clearing Brawl

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Last night the Yankees and the Blue Jays got themselves into one hell of a donnybrook. The entire fight can be seen here. In a very large nutshell;

-The Yanks were getting pasted by the Blue Jays last night. Edwin Encarnacion gets plunked after homering earlier in the game. Not a huge deal, this kind of thing happens all the time. Slightly later, Aaron Hill got hit in the same place Encarnacion did and I start to get the feeling it might have been intentional (call me crazy). As Jorge Posada came to the plate later in the game, only those in the stands too young to understand the retribution system in baseball didn't know what was coming next; Jorge was getting beaned and he was getting beaned bad. Blue Jays reliever Jesse Carlson threw a ball behind Posada (which I think is something I would be pleased about if I was posada, but he seemed to feel very strongly opposed). He started to walk to the mound, and mouthed to the pitcher, "You don't want to do that." The pitcher yelled something back, we can assume it was along the lines of, "Actually I did want to do that. In fact, thats exactly what I wanted to do. From my perspective, that whole thing went swimmingly."- or something like that. Posada reached base and went on to score later in the inning. As he crossed home plate, he brushed Carlson (who was covering home like he should have) with his elbow. Posada was immediately tossed by the nearby ump. Carlson took particular exception, and started screaming again at Posada, this time probably something to the effect of, "Hey Mr. Posada, that thing you just did with your elbow right here? I wasn't a huge fan of that." Posada had already been tossed so he figured what the heck, and went after Carlson fists first. The dugouts cleared onto one another, and there were actually some pretty decent punches thrown and landed. Carlson got the worst of it, he wound up with a golf ball-sized, Jorge Posada's knuckle-shaped, welt on his forehead. One would expect the league to levy some pretty hefty fines and suspensions soon on Posada, Carlson, and a few other members of each squad in the coming days/hours.

If Baseball is as American as Apple Pie, then big bench clearing brawls in Baseball are as American as the ice cream that makes it a la mode. In theory you can have one without the other, but separately they aren't much of a dessert. I'm surprised these things don't happen more often. The Yankees and the Blue Jays are division rivals, so they play each other nearly 20 times a season. That's the kind of environment hat bad blood can thrive in - those are nearly ideal conditions.

I just hope that people don't get too worked up about it. I'm sure if you ask Jorge today, he isn't that upset anymore; and neither is Carlson, or anyone else who was involved. The second and final game of this series is tonight, and you can rest assured that the there won't be another fight like that one just because the players are still riled up from yesterday. This was just two men, and then later 50 some-odd men, working out the agression that a 162 game season can bring.

Daily Zoot - 9/15/09 - I'm Gonna Shove This Ball Down Your #$%&ing Zoot

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Over this past weekend Serena Williams was effectively kicked out of the US Open for yelling at an official. The tiny woman above (who is showing remarkably little fear despite being threatened by a woman who appears to be 2 if not 3 times her size) called a foot fault on Serena Williams on match point in her semi-final bout against eventual champion Kim Clijsters. Had she accepted the fault she would have had the opportunity to serve again, however her behavior earned her a single point penalty, and because of the situation cost her the match. Here is the event in its entirety (or should I say eternity, it starts around the 50 second mark):


The greatest irony of all is that Johnny Mac is commentating on the whole thing. The biggest jerk in tennis history, has to admonish actions that seem almost good-natured compared to the events that make up his resume. Serena of course apologized for her actions; She was so broken up about it that she proceeded to win doubles championship with sister Serena and presented at the MTV VMA's (poor kid, she's really taking it hard).

In the immediate aftermath of the event, commentators questioned whether or not Serena was permanantly tarnishing her legacy by acting so infantile. She need not look any further than Johnny himself for the answer to that question. He was the the ultimate bad-boy, and we still have no trouble remembering him for his tennis skill. In fact, he has parlayed that reputation of mis-behavior into a career as a faux-celebrity. He makes commercials, movies, and tv shows, all based on his explosive personality.

Everyone was upset about Brett Favre again this year, but because he is has been so great and loved over the course of his entire career, it doesn't really matter in the long run what he does. He will be remembered as a football player. In fact, he is even featured in a new sears commercial that pokes fun at his inability to make decisions. All you have to do is make one light hearted reference to the event, and you are in the clear. As soon as Serena wins another major, and we all love her again, this whole thing will have gone away. I give it one year before we are seeing commercials for tennis balls featuring Serena Williams that not only make reference to, but capitalize on this event, "Wilson are the only tennis balls I would every shove down your $%#&ing throat."

Daily Zoot - 9/10/09 - College Football Pre-Zoot Pt. 2

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If you were with us yesterday we started our College Football Preview off with a list of teams that I love. If you missed out there's plenty of time to catch up, I'll wait.


The subject of today's portion of the preview is a little less sunshine and lollipops, and a little more failed third-down conversions and blown defensive assignments. I don't know any of the players or coaches I'm about to write about personally so I am not saying I hate them as individuals, that would just be mean. When I say I hate these schools, I'm just saying that I hate their chances this season. For example, I'm sure the Detroit Lions are all perfectly nice guys, but Super Bowl this season? Not so much. So if you're a fan of any of these teams, don't take it personally; this is not an affront directed specifically towards you (for the most part). Now that we've got that settled, lets get on to the list.

Teams I Hate:

Penn State Nittany Lions
Yesterday I was done betting against USC, today I'm done betting on the Big Ten. Rose Bowl after Rose Bowl, championship game after championship game, Big Ten teams get thumped by teams in other conferences. The lone exception is Ohio State hanging tight with Texas in last year's Fiesta Bowl, and that still wound up as a loss. Penn State got manhandled by USC in the Rose Bowl last year. Since then they have lost their best defensive player (Aaron Maybin), another productive linebacker (Dan Connor), and their top three receivers to the NFL. Why am I supposed to believe that if they get back to BCS bowl they will fare any better than they did last year when they were much more talented? I do love Joe Pa(which is why I decided to omit any old jokes from this bit, an incredibly tough thing for me to do). And to be honest I think PSU is a win against Ohio State away from winning the Big Ten. I'm just questioning how much that title is worth.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Remember when I said that this article was not going to be personal for the most part? This is that least part I was referring to. I just flat out hate Notre Dame. I hate that Charlie Weiss is considered a good coach because he was able to win with Ty Willingham's players. I hate that people were shocked and appalled that Brady "the second coming" Quinn fell out of the top 10, when two years later he can only barely beat out the shadow of Derek Andersen for the starting job on a bad Cleveland Browns team. I hate Jeff Samardzija, and that I had to look up how to spell his name just now. Notre Dame was no good last year, and just as bad the year before. But because of a blowout win in a bowl game over Hawaii, they earned a pre-season top-25 ranking. Now they are ranked in the top-20, and we're about two wins away from having the pundits Label them, "back." People are excited about how many players the golden domers are returning from last year, but those are all players from a team that finished one game over .500. They might win 9-10 games this season, but not a single one against a team with any relevance.

The Entire ACC
I could have scrapped the title "teams that I hate" and just called this the Atlantic Coast Conference Preview Edition. In the first week of games, the entire conference mustered 5 wins. 3 were against 1-AA opponents, and one was against another ACC school (Even though it was Miami over a good Florida State team, I'm not counting that one because its a head-to-head, somebody had to win it). In total there was a very lonely one victory against a non-ACC division
1-A school; and that was Clemson over the perennial BCS Conference punching bag Middle Tennessee State. Its sad that one of the BCS games has to be between the "winners" of this conference and the Big East. Off the top of you head, can you name the two teams that played in the Orange Bowl Last Year? Let alone the winner? I don't think the people who organized the game itself could. Parody is a good thing to have in a league, but not if everyone is equally terrible.


Ok fine one JoePa is old joke before I go.

Joe Paterno is so old...
(you) How old is he?
Joe Paterno is so old that he considers natural causes the toughest opponent he'll have to face this season.

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip tour waitresses. Try the Veal.

VOD - Prince Fielder is Huge in Milwaukee

Prince Fielder hits a walk off home run - but you can skip that part of the video. What you want to see is the HR celebration of the year that comes after the big man plods around the bases.

Daily Zoot - 9/9/09 - College Football Pre-Zoot pt. 1

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-Welcome Ladies and Gents to the Them Sports College football Preview. I know what you're saying:

"how can this be a preview when there have already been games played?"

I'm a firm believer in not being able to rank the teams until they play at least one game. Its impossible to know what a team will look like until you see them hitting guys with different jerseys on. For example, if I wrote this article two weeks ago I might have picked Oklahoma to win the Chip this year and I would now look foolish (well, more foolish than I'm about to look with my actual picks). Now I know better; Sam Bradford and his favorite target TE Jermaine Gresham are out and I don't have to waste time with that maroon team from Norman. And I don't even have to bother mentioning Lagarette Blount at all (not that I would have), since he won't be joining us for the rest of the season. I also know what else you are saying:

"This is kind of a cop-out. If you're just gonna do it this way why don't you just wait until the end of the season and do the preview then so you can be even more right?"

And to that I say, don't be such a smart-ass. Let's get to the preview!

Teams I Love:

Florida Gators
To be honest, I would have a much easier time writing a list of things I didn't like about the Gators this year than a list of things I do like about them. So here it goes.

-I've always felt that the blue and orange is a tad ostentatious. We see you, you are all enormous men, you don't have to be so flashy for us to notice you.
-Tim Tebow is left-handed, what's that about?
-I think that everyone should have at least one first name. Florida coach Urban Meyer has an adjective first name, and a bologna last name. Maybe he could borrow one from his in-state rival Miami's Randy Shannon.

But that's it, and frankly, none of those things are good enough reasons for me to pick against the Gators this upcoming season (Even though I really hate south-paw QBs). They are my unanimous (amongst a panel of 1) pick for national champion.

USC Trojans
I'm done picking against USC. I've done it in the past for a litany of reasons, and I'm tired of always ending the season with the same Cardinal and Gold colored egg on my face. I know they have a true-freshman starting QB in Matt Barkley; but this isn't a freshman at Northern Iowa, or Jacksonville St. There's a reason this kid got a scholarship to USC; he knows how to play a little football. Barkley was the national player of the year last year at California's Mater Dei High School, and he was the number 1 overall recruit. He should be able to handle the minimal role that Coach Pete Carroll will ask him to play for the Trojans. Barkley will be at his best if he can stay invisible. Let the backs do the work, move the chains when you have to, and don't make the big mistake. I have faith that he can do that, and I think the rest of the team is strong enough to carry him into national title consideration.

Ole Miss Rebels
I like Ole Miss for a few reasons:

-Their quarterback and Heisman candidate Jevan Snead has a name best suited to play the snobby rich kid in every movie about high school angst I've ever seen. I'm sure you remember this guy, "My parents are in Europe for the week again, so big kegger at my house tonight! O wait, You're not invited Losers!" Sick Burn. But we all know the losers end up with the girl that is way out of their league but somehow totally down to earth and cool; and he ends up with the bowl of punch on his head, or drinking something gross that someone had put in his drink. What are we talking about again?
-Ole Miss is a flat-out great name, it just is, there's no two ways about it. And Rebels is almost better. The two together? Dynamite.
-They are the last team to beat Florida, which should say something about their talent. But more importantly they are not scheduled to play the Gators in the regular season (How does that happen? Get it together SEC). They could make the title game from the SEC West, and pray that someone else knocks off Florida before they have the chance to meet in Atlanta.


Those are the teams I love, that's right, just three. Come back tomorrow for the list that no major college coach wants to be on (or probably even knows about), the teams I hate.

Daily Zoot - 9/8/09 - Double Shot at Zoot

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-Few times in the life of a journalist do they uncover a truly perfect news story; in fact they might never get that chance. Now that definition of perfection varies from reporter to reporter (One man's trash, and so on). When it comes to what I like to write about, I love that trash. I'm like the garbage man, I can't get enough of the stuff. That's what makes the Shawne Merriman and Tila Tequila story so perfect (to me).

First of all it involves a controversial athlete. After becoming a superstar so quickly with the Chargers, Merriman has had some trouble the last few years including a serious injury, and a positive test for steroids. He's a popular target of criticism because of his attitude and style. He's an abrasive character, and he rubs a lot of people the wrong way. That means something important in this instance. When a sandpaper athlete like this gets in trouble, there is no remorse or even a slight delay in vilifying him. Which means that those covering him will immediately be able to jump to conclusions. If Tom Brady might have potentially hit Giselle, we might give him the benefit of the doubt until the facts are sorted out. Not with Shawne, we can go right for the jugular with this one.

Now there is only so trashy a sports story can get on its own. Shawne Merriman allegedly abusing a girlfriend would be kind of grimy in its own right, but bringing in Tila Tequila to play the role of abused girlfriend is a stroke of junk story genius. Tila was the host of a bi-sexual dating show on MTV called Shot at Love. The aim of the show was for her to find love amongst a group of 30 people, half male and half female. Critics claimed she wasn't actually interested in any of the females, and that she only included them so that they could market her making out with the other girls (Not a single one of those critics was male). She wore a bikini during 90% of the taping, and the other ten was just because she had taken her top off. Real class act this one. I watched the show, I'm man enough (or not enough) to admit that. I loved every minute of it, and I think that does nothing but prove the love I claimed earlier for the trashiest of the trash.

I wasn't even aware that the two had been dating, and the surprise of that fact alone made this story tickle me. The actual facts of what happened still remain to be seen. Tila claims that Merriman choked and restrained her, while Shawne claims that Tequila was trying to drive drunk and he did all he had to to prevent her. Either way, Tequila made a citizens arrest of Merriman, which really speaks of how easy it is to make a citizens arrest. Can you imagine Tequila trying to take down Merriman? He could wear her like one of those foxes wealthy old women used to wear back when that kind of thing was popular (widely known as the time of the monacle). Merriman was then arrested, because that is the policy after a citizen's arrest, not necessarily because he was found of any wrong-doing by the police officers that responded. He paid his bail, and was back out on the practice field Monday.

When I first encounter stories like this, I react to them in stages. My growing reaction depends on how the different parts add up, and the large picture they ultimately end up painting. This particular one went like this:

Shawne Merriman,
Great Start: he went to Maryland, I go to Maryland. Also, He can kinda be a jerk, I like where this is headed.

has been arrested for abusing his girlfriend,
Well I hate to see a girl get hurt, but I do love these kinds of stories.

MTV Star Tila Tequila
Orgasm

This story will play itself out over the next couple weeks, and I will try and soak it up as much as I can before it disappears. Lord knows when I'll get the next opportunity to cover such a perfect story, if ever. There is one burning question that comes from this story that I have yet to see covered:

That makes Tila single again right? Does that mean I can start getting excited for Shot at Love 3?

Daily Zoot - 8/12/09 - Not so Welcome Back

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-Wether you like it or not, it appears as though Michael Vick will find a new home in the NFL, and maybe by the end of this week. Its been two years since the whole Vick saga began to play out, and he has since spent 22 months in prison, and a full 2 seasons away from the game. Thats a long time for any player, and an eternity for a quarterback. There are two schools of thought on the future of Mike Vick, and you can't enroll in both: 

I believe Mike Vick is a reprehensible human being, who has no capacity to change his ways, and should not be allowed back into the NFL. The crime he committed is far worse than the dui's and gambling charges that are often overlooked by the league. I will picket any game Vick plays in, and my respect for the league will take a serious hit if they even consider re-instating this monster.

or

I have faith in the justice system, and I believe that if Mike Vick did the time that a jury of his peers deemed appropriate then he is adequately rehabilitated. Once he has served his time, it is not fair to deny a person the right to make a living. What he did was wrong, I am not denying that, but I think it would also be wrong to keep him out of the league, and how does that little bit about two wrongs go again?

I (back to the narrator voice) lie where I think most people do, somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. But I also tend to sway towards the latter perspective. Mike Vick did something awful, but I also believe in a person's ability to change their ways and also that everyone deserves a second chance. He has made a mistake, and I believe that he has payed for it with the jail time, and the scarlet D that he will wear on his chest for the rest of his life. Vick is one of the more exciting athletes to ever put on the pads, and there is no doubt that has played somewhat in the Roger Goodell's decision to let him play. I might not be rooting specifically for him when he comes back (and I chose the word when, as opposed to if, very carefully) but I certainly won't be rooting against him either. 

Told You So

I love to say I told you so, I absolutely love it. Especially because I'm right so infrequently. And with that said

David Ortiz tested positive for steroids in 2003

Excuse me but I believe I nailed that one. Note the day, June 8th.

I'll be accepting credit in all forms. Thank You.

Daily Zoot - 7/29/09 - Retirement Zoot

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-Well thank god for that. Brett Favre has decided not to return to the Minnesota Vikings and to stay retired. It took him until two days before the Vikings were set to start training camp, but he finally came to the right decision. There is no way that Favre had either the physical tools to compete every week, or the mental tools to compete every day to be a competent NFL Quaterback (at least thats what he said). Also, I personally don't think he would be able to handle going to Lambeau Field as the visiting quarterback, and I think that played more into his decision making than anyone has reported, or than he will ever let-on. 

Favre claims this is the hardest decision he's ever made, but I think it will prove to be the right one. His arm couldn't hold up to 16 weeks last season, there is nothing that can convince me that another year of aging and a bicep surgery will somehow make him more durable. His arm looks great right now in athletic shorts throwing to high school kids in Hattiesburg Mississippi, but I know it won't look nearly as sharp (like a spoon in fact) when he's got Brian Urlacher breathing down his neck during a week 17 game on a partially frozen Soldier Field. 

But it wouldn't be a Brett Favre retirement decision without some drama. Favre set last Friday as a deadline for a decision; there was no reason for him to do this, I just think he gets off on the feeling of an unfulfilled deadline as it passes by. Then, while he was talking out of one side of his mouth to tell the Vikings he would not return, the other side of his mouth was telling reporters that he will continue to throw and work on his arm. As a result, we will continue to hear stories about wether or not he wants to return sometime in the middle of the season until, well, probably until his arm falls off.

I would personally like to thank Brett for not coming back, because I would like to enjoy the 20 minutes of daily coverage that Sportscenter can now devote to any number of different topics. 

Daily Zoot - 7/22/09 -

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-Let me introduce you to Tony Bernazard. He played in the bigs from 1979-1991 in, as you can see, the golden era for mustaches in baseball. He had a spectacularly mediocre career; .260 average, 75 dingers, a few hundred rbi, nothing to really write home about. Now he is an executive in the Mets organization. He is officially an assistant to Mets GM Omar Minaya, but he pretty much just does whatever needs to be done. At some point, somebody decided he would be a good influence on some of the younger prospects; somebody decided wrong. 

Recently, the double-A  Binghamton Mets have undergone somewhat of a losing streak. They were 1-6 in a 7 game stretch and had lost the majority of those games by a bunch of runs. Bernazard took it on himself to help the team, ummmmm, re-capture its focus is I think the nicest way I can describe it. After one of those games, Bernazard delivered what i suppose was intended to be a motivational speech. Unfortunately it didn't really come out that way. 

Reports say Bernazard entered the room, promptly removed his shirt (as is the case with any successful motivational speech; there is nothing more inspiring than a middle-aged man's nipples, nothing) and challenged the team to fight him. Its unclear if he challenged the team to line up and take turns fighting him individually, or if he wanted the whole team at once, but that isn't really important. 

No one is denying that the team needed a talking to. In addition to their poor performance, there was some rumored under-age drinking going on with some of the teams younger prospects. But that talking to could have been delivered while clothed, and in a much less confrontational way. 

The act was not only obscene, it has also proven to be ineffective. The little Mets are under .500 since the tirade, and I'm sure that there is still underage drinking going on (there always is). The speech was only successful in that it made Bernazard a personal hero of mine, but I don't think that was its intention. 

Daily Zoot - 7/20/09 - The Zoot that Got Away

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-When I wrote last week about how good the British Open was going to be this past weekend, it turns out I severely under-estimated it. I anticipated another; Tiger leads after 54 holes, three or four guys have a good front nine on Sunday, but then fade only to see Tiger win as we had seen so many times. That movie wasn't playing in Scotland this weekend. As a matter of fact, Tiger didn't even play well enough to make the weekend. But left the door open for a story nobody could see coming, or had ever seen before.

59-year-old Tom Watson was supposed to be little more than a statue at Turnberry. He was supposed to be a memory, someone that the fans would watch that could bring them back. In fact his arguably greatest moment came at Turnberry back in 1977, when he won the Open in a shootout with Jack Nicklaus. That was 32 years ago, and a lot of the players in this years Open field might not have even been alive to see it. 

That didn't stop Tom from making a run of his own at the Jug. Watson was at least within ear-shot of the lead after each of the first three rounds. Nobody had ever seen a player his age play so well, and be in contention at a major championship. Merely being on the leader board was one of the biggest storied golf had seen in a while. Then Sunday rolled around and no one had any idea what to expect from him. He could hold his slim lead, or he could fade and let a field of mediocre players pass him by.

Watson held strong all day through the tough cross-breezes. Then on the 72nd hole, Watson needed only par to win. He left himself a makable par putt, but didn't put a good enough swing on the ball to make it. He knew he missed it as soon as he hit it, and his face showed that he had let one get away.

He played poorly in the 4-hole playoff, and lost to Stewart Cink, which is too bad for everybody. There was not a single person who didn't want to see Watson win, including Cink from what it sounded like in his post round presser. And for Stewart, he won his first career major in a tournament that nobody will remember for who won. 

Daily Zoot - 7/15/09 -

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-The appeal of the four major golf championships is very similar to that of the major tennis tournaments, they are played on completely different surfaces. The Masters is all about beauty; that is until you have to putt. The Us Open is playing with a tennis ball on a course made of velcro. The Open Championship (British) plays similarly to its tennis counterpart (Wimbledon) in that it plays low and fast. The Open isn't always played on a links style course, but this year it returns to arguably the most beautiful one in the world, Turnberry. Links golf is how the game was originally played; on flat ground, with indiscernible hole boundaries, a tree every 12 holes (if that), and more sand than Father Time's hourglass. 

Tiger Woods comes to Turnberry never having played the course before. You might think that would be a disadvantage, but you might think wrong. The last time he came to a course under those circumstances he walked away from Royal Liverpool with his 3rd Open Title back in 2006, so there goes that school of thought. Tiger has the most wins on tour this year, and oddsmakers have made him the heavy favorite. Add in some extra motivation (this is the first time Tiger has not held at least one of the four major trophies since 2004) and I tend to agree with the oddsmakers. 

Sergio Garcia has the second best odds to win the tournament, which is a bit of a surprise considering that he has yet to win a major title. But his style of play is suited for a links course. He is an exceptional ball-striker, but his putting and driving accuracy occasionally leave something to be desired. Those negatives can be neutralized (at least partially) on a course that is set up like Turnberry is. 

But again, I'm still taking tiger, because there really is no way anyone can convince me that anyone has a better chance than him. He might not be a lock, but if everyone has only got a chance to win, I'm taking the guy with the biggest slice of the pie. 

Daily Zoot - 7/13/09 - Slam Shots and Long Balls

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-Tonight is the MLB Home Run Derby, featuring St. Louis' Albert Pujols and 7 other players vying for 2nd place. There's no doubt (at least in my mind) that Pujols is going to win the contest tonight; and I'll go even further, if he doesn't win than the contest should be eliminated all together. What's the point of giving out a trophy for hitting a ball far if you're not going to give it to the guy who hits it the furthest the most frequently? 

The Home Run Derby features 4 players from each league, and the real story from this years contest is how pathetic the AL representatives are. The 4 NL players - Pujols, San Diego's Adrian Gonzalez, Philladelphia's Ryan Howard, and Milwaukee's Prince Fielder - have combined for an extremely convenient 100 hr's this season. The 4 Al players - Texas' Nelson Cruz (Who?) Detroit's Brandon Inge (A defensive specialist) Carlos Pena (batting a robust .228 this season) and Joe Mauer (hits for average more so than power, although in my opinion he has the best chance of any of the 4) - have combined for 82. They are four very good ballplayers, but the NL was able to send its best hitters, while the best hitters in the AL (see: Hamilton, Josh - Morneau, Justin - Texeira, Mark - Bay, Jason) decided to pass. 

Albert Pujols is attempting to win the triple crown, he would be the first to do it in over 30 years. He will be slugging tonight in front of his home-crowd, after receiving the second most all-star votes ever. Tonight should be more of a coronation than a contest. 

Daily Zoot - 7/10/09 - Tour de Zoot

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-Am I the only one who feels pretty badly about the feel good story of the summer? Lance Armstrong has returned to the Tour de France after taking 3 years off. Prior to that hiatus, Lance had won an amazing 7 straight tours. But somewhere in those three years he went from national hero, to kind of a deusche (at least in my eyes).

-Let me first show the other side of the coin. Lance became a hero because he overcame testicular cancer and was still able to dominate one of the most grueling competitions in the world for nearly a decade. He deserves and justly receives my respect for his ability to do that. His Livestrong campaign has generated a ton of money for his charity, and he made yellow, and bracelets ok things for men to wear; no easy feat. Its the things he has done off the bike that bothers me. There's no single thing that he does wrong, but everything he does just seems to rub a little bit of the luster off the reputation he worked so hard to build. 

-First came the doping allegations. Its important to note that he hasn't ever tested positive, but the allegations alone are enough to taint his legacy somewhat (not sure if thats fair, but thats the way it goes). Doping in Cycling is as common as using yeast to bake, but it doesn't make it any worse. 

-He goes through women like I go through ice cubes. The ink was still drying on his divorce papers when he started dating Sheryl Crow in 2003. Since then he has dated a handful of celebutants, including Kate Hudson and a rumored Ashley Olsen (I understand Ashley Olsen is hot, but can you really hook up with somebody who you met first as a baby on Full House? Lance: Would you like to go out to dinner? Ashley: You got it Dude)

-He started hanging out shirtless with Mathew Mcconaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal (both hard names to spell mind you); and not just while exercising, the man was topless 75% of the time. Anybody who hangs out topless just for the sake of it isn't a friend of mine. 

-This entire comeback just seems a little "I told you so." It seems like he is coming back to show us that he can and not for himself. That kind of chip on your shoulder can be a good source of motivation, but if you've already won 7 tours, there isn't really anything left to prove. We get it Lance, you can ride a bike real fast.

Now I will be happy when Lance wins (and he is probably going to win) because he represents our country, but I won't necessarily be happy that he won.

Daily Zoot - 7/9/09 - RaZoot Wallace!

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-By far the hardest part about writing this Zoot will be having to chose only one picture of Rasheed Wallace to include. Sheed is somebody who has never had a problem with showing his emotions on the court, and as a result there is no shortage of pictures of him with among the most ridiculous facial expressions you'll ever see; that one just happend to be my favorite (other examples 1, 2, 3, and 4). That emotion can also come out in less funny ways; ie technical fouls. Sheed has the most techs since he came into the league in 1995, and is one of the most hated players among officials and opposing fans.

Luckily for me, I am no longer one of those opposing fans. Rasheed Wallace officially signed with THE Boston Celtics Wednesday, and will be introduced to the media in his green #30 jersey later this afternoon. Sheed will bring his attitude (good and bad), his long-armed defense, and 3 point range to a team that is in need of all 3 categories. So Celtics fans should welcome Sheed, and in the mean time let me help you get to know the newest C:

-Sheed was the 92-93 High School Player of the year, leading his team to an undefeated season and a state title. He averaged 16 pts, 15 rebs, and 7 blocks a game which is astounding considering he only played 19 minutes a game. His coach was too nice of a guy to play him for any longer.

-(My Favorite tidbit) Sheed is the only player ever to be ejected from the McDonald's All-American Game, seriously.  And this totally captures the relative insanity of Rasheed Wallace. Should he have gotten kicked out of that game? No, its ultimately nothing more than a glorified all-star game. But at the same time, is it hurting anybody? Nobody is saying that Sheed will come to Boston and be Shenanigan-free, but as long as he keeps his antics to the good natured variety, I don't think anyone will complain.

-He is a 4 time all-star with career averages of  15 pts, 7 rebs, and nearly 2 assists. 

-He is a fantastic dancer, and please do follow this link to watch the rest of them, it will be very much worth your time..  

Daily Zoot - 6/24/09 - NBA Draft Prezoot

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-The NBA draft is coming and its among the most wonderful times of the year. Every team enters with a litany of gaping holes. And every team leaves with the belief that they have acquired the missing piece they need; when it turns out that only 1, maybe 2 if its a particularly good year, actually have. The draft can last anywhere from 3 hours to 3 weeks, but if you don't want to commit that much time and attention, here are the two best stories to keep an eye on.

-The man in Green above is Ricky Rubio. He's been playing professionally in Spain since he was 14, and has been on the international basketball radar seemingly since he was inutero. Scouts say he is the most gifted passer we've seen in the draft in about 15 years, with a chance to be the next Pistol Pete. Haters say he isn't strong enough or a good enough shooter to hang in the NBA, and that he looks too much like comedian Demetri Martin. He is still under contract with his Spanish team and the potential buyout, one that Rubio would have to pay himself, could be more than the salary he would command on his rookie contract. That and concerns over his willingness to play in Memphis and Oklahoma City (Do you blame him?) make him and what jersey he will wear next season the most compelling story of the entire draft. 

-The other guy in that picture is Brandon Jennings, you already know about him. He could go anywhere from 5/6 to the Wolves to falling out of the lottery all together. With Rubio, the story ends when he is drafted; With Jennings, his selection is just the beginning. Jennings was the first high profile player to skip college and play a year abroad before heading to the pros. While overseas he struggled to earn playing time, and struggled to adapt to living overseas. Where he gets picked, and his level of preparedness when he hits his first training camp will say a lot about how popular his career path ends up becoming.

Other than those two, its going to end up being straight forward. Maybe a surprise pick here and there (spoiler alert; those surprises will be coming from the Knicks) but the draft should be untraditionally chalk. Unless the Celtics end up trading Rajon Rondo, in which case everyone can enjoy the incredible hissy fit I will be throwing; but short of that, it will be a pretty tame evening. 

Daily Zoot - 6/22/09 - Major Dissapoint-zoot

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-Does anybody want to win the US Open? Anybody at all? Save for the charge that Phil Mickelson is currently making....and unmaking (more on that tomorrow) there hasn't been an ounce of movement on the leaderboard since it got put up on Thursday. It's not that the US Open isn't exciting, it just isn't anything at all. Now I'm a huge propenent of hype, I'm a near professional hype-man, but even I thought that there was too much heading into this tournament: 

-The Open was back at Bethpage Black, the first public course ever to host the Open would be hosting it for the second time. The fans there have a history of getting raucous (drunk) and the atmosphere is unlike any arena in golf. Its like a Rutgers Football Game let out directly into the Grandstands at 17. 

-If the stands at Bethpage are filled with drunken jesters, and they are, then Phil Mickelson is their king. The last time the Open came to BPB (yeah, I'm doing that) 7 years ago, Phil came in with the title, "Best Player Never to Win A Major." The crowd tried to carry him to his first, but he couldn't quite make it. Shortly after that the fans at BPB legally adopted Phil as their child. Add in the the tragic diagnosis of Phil's wife Amy with Breast Cancer, and the support for Lefty is through the hypothetical roof (boy, don't they wish they had a real one). 

-Tiger was back, healthy, and had won as recently as two weeks prior. When he played the Master's everybody was unsure of how he would hold up in his first major in 8 months, knee-wise and mind-wise. Here, he was again the favorite. It was back to Tiger-or-the-field status.

I'll be the first to admit that the rain was probably the main reason the tournament failed to live up to expectations; I have enough trouble walking to the mailbox when its drizzling, let alone 18 holes when its pouring. But on Sunday, Father's Day, there were almost no moves made on the leaderboard, by anyone, in any direction. The leaders both shot 70, and the challengers shot no better than 69, and no worse than 71. It was good golf on a hard course, but it served to accomplish nothing. As I sit and watch Monday's final round, more of a decomposition actually, I am happy that anything is happenening. While it may not be the great golf I was hoping for, it is something, and thats always better than the alternative. 

Daily Zoot - 6/19/09 - The Blind Scales of Zoot

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-A few days ago, Cleveland Brown's WR Dante Stallworth reached a plea agreement in his DUI Manslaughter case. A few months ago he was driving down the Miami strip at 7 am and ran over a guy who was waiting for the bus on his home from (even worse) work. At the scene Stallworth blew a .12, well above the legal limit of .08 (like I need to remind you of that). His sentence? 30 days in prison, 2 years of house arrest, and 8 years probation. Mike Vick got almost 2 years for dog fighting, Dante only gets one for killing a human being. Yeah that sounds about right...yikes.

 Now I hate to get into this because god knows Peta is grasping at straws these days and will get up in arms about anything (really Peta? I know there's no such thing as bad publicity but I'd like to think that you would try and attract the good kind, even just once) but shouldn't the death of a person carry some more legal weight than that of a household pet? Why does he even look remotely upset in that picture? He came as close to getting away with murder as you realistically can. 

The story got a little deeper yesterday as Roger Goodell suspended Stallworth from the NFL indefinitely. Kudos to Goodell for punishing Stallworth for longer than our legal system. I've been trying to figure out how somebody can admit and take responsibility for taking another life and still only get 30 days in jail, then this came out. Ah, yes...mone; the cause of and solution to all of life's problems (simpsons). How many years in prison would any non-NFL player get for a fatal car accident comitted while being well above the legal limit? 

The chances that Stallworth makes it back to the NFL and does so with the support of both the league and the fans are minimal. Ray Lewis made it all the way back because he only suffered murder allegations (not that he didn't kill that guy, he probably did, they just couldn't prove it). Stallworth might be able to make a living playing football again, but he likely won't be able to make the same life he did before. 

Daily Zoot - 6/17/09 - The Prodigal Zoot

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-That gentleman, excuse me that boy, above is Bryce Harper. I call him a boy because he is only 16 years old. Bryce is the next "can't miss" prospect (can't is not totally accurate in this usage; Hideki Irabu, Michael Olowokandi, and Ryan Leaf say hello) . He is 6'3", plays catcher but sports a 96 mph fastball just for fun. That photo was taken at a homerun hitting showcase (I didn't know they had those either) in which he hit the longest homerun in the history of Tropicana Field the home field of the Tampa Bay Rays. Thats particularly impressive considering that the Trop is a place where grown men try to hit a ball as far as they can for a living-everyday. The ball went 502 feet, and would have gone further had it not hit the back wall of the stadium. 

Bryce was on the cover of Sports Illustrated a few weeks ago being touted as baseball's Lebron. At the time, everyone said, "well I hope this doesn't go to his head." Well it ended up going to his faster than anyone could have imagined. It went directly to his head, it didn't pass go, it didn't collect $200. This week, Bryce made the decision to drop out of high school (he just finished his sophomore year) and will take a GED program, in an attempt to make himself elligible for the 2010 draft, as opposed to the 2011 had he stayed in school. If he makes it, he will be picked by the National's (its not official yet because the season isn't over so its not definite that they will finish with the worst record, but they've been so bad this year they might get awarded the number one pick in the NFL draft as well)

We've seen this kind of thing before, but this is the first time with baseball. By all accounts, this isn't a need thing like it was with Brandon Jennings. Bryce has a 3.5 gpa, and even spends his free time doing community service (isn't that nauseating? not that community service is bad, I just don't think anyone should be so good at everything, its unfair to the rest of us) There aren't any rules against what Harper is doing, and on the surface it isn't a totally bad thing. He is going to get what amounts to a high school education. He will be able to make the pros, and that paper much faster than he would have had he stayed in school. But to me, like so many others who give their opinions unnecessarily, it just doesn't feel right. 

Daily Zoot - 6/10/09 - Zoot Slander

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-If you know me, you know that I have a very healthy dislike for Kobe Bryant. It doesn't help that he wears Purple and Gold, but I'm pretty sure I would dislike him in any jersey (or any article of clothing for that matter). People always ask me "Jordan, as a basketball fan how can you blatantly dislike one of the game's best players?" Don't get it twisted, I know that Kobe is one of the top 2 players on the planet; I'm biased, not blind. I know that he is one of the all-time greats, and probably the best SG we've seen since Michael. Maybe I just look at things differently than everyone else; but every time I hear stories about Kobe's legendary "drive" he comes off as more of a jerk than a competitor to me. Here is an example:

In 1996, Kobe Bryant was a senior at Lower Merion High School in Suburban Philadelphia. He was the best player in the country, he took established r&b singer Brandy to his prom, and was everybody's all-everything. Some of the most popular stories that people tell about Kobe from his high school days are his legendary games of 1 on 1 with his high school teammates. Now Kobe was the definition of big fish in a small pond in high school. Despite him, they lost 3 games his senior year because he was not surrounded by a ton of talent. That didn't stop Kobe from taking each of his teammates in weekly games of 1 on 1; not to 11, not to 21, but to 100. The closest anyone ever got to him was losing 100-12. In one game Kobe scored 84 points before his opponent got their first hoop. And Kobe wouldn't let them stop playing until he got to 100. When I first heard these stories on Sportscenter, the analysts all talked about how much focus and determination it takes to beat somebody 100-12, or 84-0. Focus and Determination? Did Kobe really need that kind of re-affirmation in his skill that he had to beat his backup by 88 to feel as though he was a good enough player? Kobe was bigger and better than all of his competition, and when they played, he would take no mercy and he tried to beat them as badly and for as long as he could possibly could. How self conscience do you have to be to need that kind of boost every single week?

That kind of need to know just how much better you are than everyone else has been the driving force in his entire career. Now Shaq isn't entirely faultless for that schism in Los Angeles that ultimately culminated with his trade in 2004; but Shaq seemed to get along just fine with a different sidekick who didn't mind sharing the team, and some of the spotlight with him in Dwayne Wade. Everyone who was on the outside looking in couldn't understand why they would split up when they were such a dominant force together; that's because everyone who was on the outside looking in has normal human emotion and compassion. Kobe ain't got those things. So Kobe will make his big shots, and make his faces, but they aren't for his team, or for his fans. They are for himself, because he constantly needs to know, and be told that he is better than everyone else. Other than that though, I'm sure he's a cool guy. 

VOD - Dwight's New Commercial

Shouldn't he be focusing on the finals, and not on wearing silly glasses? I'm just kidding, this is awesome.

Daily Zoot - 6/8/09 - Zoot Papi

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-Am I really going to be the one that has to say this? Why hasn't anybody who gets paid to do this kind of thing said this already; so that I, somebody who does this hard-hitting sports journalism thing (don't laugh) for fun has to do it? Why do I have to be the first one to acknowledge that David Ortiz was on steroids up until the last two seasons? 

In the 5 years before the 2008 season, his first five in Bean Town, Papi hit 208 home runs. Last year he was plagued by injuries, and this season, despite claiming to be fully healthy, has hit a remarkable (and not in a good way, but in a, "well I'm forced to remark on this" kinda way) 2 home runs, in 198 at-bats. 

Papi dodged a lot of the steroid questions because his body type is not consistent with those who traditionally get caught up in those type of allegations. Its easy to question guys like Marky-Mark and A-Rod (What the hell is that picture by the way? I'm starting to think that he's just asking for it at this point) whose arms look like thighs. But a guy like Papi can fly under the radar because when he rounds third base on his home-run trot he starts to run out of breath. He's not a very good athlete (as a 1st baseman, he makes an excellent DH) and because of that nobody ever questioned him. But if you take HGH, and don't work out, thats what happens. You can get stronger, but at the same time, you don't get cut. It's like spending a lot of time reading about something nobody cares about; yeah you get smarter, but its not really in a way that people can recognize. 

He's only 33, so he should still have a few years left of power. Now the alternative (and don't get it twisted; this is what I am rooting/hoping for) is that without steroids, this is actually what happens to a player; but because everyone else has been taking them, our perception of the length of a players prime has been distorted. That would be great for Papi, but would be terrible for everyone else; so I'm not really sure which is the better option. All I'm saying is that the circumstances, and the time-frame certainly make it a possibility, and his lack of power recently is too glaring not to ask any questions at all. 

Daily Zoot - 6/4/09 - Video Zoot

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I'm leaving on a jet-plane (sort-of, i just drive really fast) today so I can't write a full Zoot. What I can do is give you the rest of the Leroy Smith series. This is all four parts of a very serious news story about Leroy. Here's to hoping you guys liked it as much as I did. 

Daily Zoot - 6/3/09 - Poor Sportsmanzoot

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-Lebron James has been the next big thing (the shiznit if you will) since he was about 9-years-old. People have known that he was going to be the king of the NBA for almost 15 years now, and they've been treating him as such. That means every foul call that could go either way, has gone his since he started playing this game. That lifetime of preferential treatment (think Duke Basketball x 1000) has created an ugly sense of entitlement that we've only recently started to see.

Last week Lebron James and his (and I mean "his" in every possible meaning of the word; and I mean "every possible" in all ways too for that matter) Cleveland Cavaliers lost to the Orlando Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals. At the end of that game Lebron walked off the court without shaking hands with his opponents, or even so much as a nod. We didn't even get the customary "I just lost the Oscars but I'm clapping because I know that more people are looking at me than the guy who just won right now." Lebron, how you gonna have worse manners than Russell Crowe? Even the hated jocks from every sports movie ever made give a little slow-clap when they get beat by the underdog heroes (save for Revenge of the Nerds I-V of course, but I don't think Lebron wants to invoke the Ogre comparison). Then he quickly got changed and skipped mandatory news interviews and pouted his way back to the team bus where he sat quietly and reflected (my guess is that he was thinking about the commercial appeal of coming in third place; which I don't think is quite puppet-worthy)

That was bad enough, and a lot of people were outraged when it originally happened. Then he tried to explain (I think he should have been trying to apologize for it but thats just me) why he did what he did, and he came off as an even bigger prick. Here's my favorite part, "It's hard for me to congratulate someone after you just lose to them....I mean I'm a winner." I'm glad he cleared that up, it was tough for everyone to recognize that he was winner considering he has yet to win anything. I understand where he's coming from. No, I haven't had any ad campaigns or photo-shoots or anything, but I still consider myself a professional model because my parents have always told me I'm very handsome; and that alone makes it so. Lebron might be able to play ball better than almost anyone on this planet, but he knows less about the concept and values of sport itself than my local tee-ball team. I don't really know what I'm witnessing (The Christ symbolism in that ad just became a whole lot funnier/more ironic to me by the way) right now, but I'm starting not to like it very much.