Tiger Woods stood up Friday in front of a small group of friends, and the tens of millions of people who dropped whatever it is they were doing to watch through the camera lens that Tiger spoke to directly. The press conference today was almost a no win situation for Tiger, but I think he did about as well as he could have. He seemed sincere, and I liked what he had to say. But I do wish he had taken some questions from the media. Like maybe these for example:-Tiger, how did you get all those extra hours into your day?
6 months ago, we all thought that Tiger was the most focused and driven athlete any of us had ever seen. I thought Tiger was thinking about golf when he fell asleep, dreamed about ways to improve his short game, then woke up with new ideas about how to navigate amen corner. I was sure that he spent so much time on the golf course that he wouldn't be able to confidently pick his own children out of a lineup. I applauded his focus and drive, and I thought it was the reason he won. Now, we find out that Tiger was all over the map, living a party lifestyle that you only see in the music videos they play after 4 am on BET (anyone who is an insomniac with more than basic cable knows exactly what I am talking about). I have no idea how he was able to find time to star in a Juvenile video 24/7 and still be the most dominating athlete on the planet. I am totally against cheating, but that is pretty impressive. How many majors do you think he'd have now if he wasn't busy slaying the entire cast of Flavor of Love? Now he says he's going to focus solely on golf, and all I can think is that Jack must be seriously bummed out; I'm more confident he'll get to 18 now more than ever.
-Excuse me, Mr. Woods, what exactly did happen to your face then?
El Tigre made it very clear in his press conference that Elin did not hit him in the head with a golf club, nor was she the claws behind the scratches on his face that resulted from a car accident on thanksgiving. I wasn't there that night, so I have to take Tiger's word for it I guess. But if Elin didn't clock him, and if she wasn't chasing him, what exactly led to the car accident you got in? I'm not going to speculate because there is no way to be sure, but there must have been a reason that Tiger navigated his own driveway so unsuccessfully. I don't think it was his first time driving down it, but it could have been his first time doing so at 40 or so miles an hour. And also, am I the only one who was a little bummed out to hear that Elin didn't mess up Tiger's face? I thought she deserved the opportunity to take out some aggression on tiger, and using a golf club, the tool with which he built the lifestyle in which he lived, was so beautifully ironic. The story definitely got a little less interesting at this point.
-How awesome is a 45 day sex therapy clinic?
This question is based on my own warped and probably completely false conceptions of sleep away sex rehab. I've watched enough celebrity rehab to know how it works with drugs, i think. You check in, they make sure you have no (and I mean NO) contraband on you, then you sit around with other addicts and complain about how much you miss drugs while smoking 25-30 cigarettes a day. But in sex rehab, how do you remove the contraband from the situation? Its not like they can make tiger relinquish his 1-wood (wordplay!) at the door. Maybe I've seen too many movies about it, but I really can't see a group of sex addicts living in the same environment for too long before giving into their vice. I never think about Sex therapy as rehab, I think of it as a large collection of the easiest girls Tiger will ever meet (which is really saying something having seen some of the girls he did take home, including one that is an actual factual porn star. No really, look it up. She just came out with a video called "Tiger's mistress number 7"; can't you just feel her self-respect in that title?)
Unfortunately, Tiger didn't give the media the opportunity to ask these, or even some slightly less ridiculous questions. All in all, I think he did a pretty good job today in what was essentially a no-win situation for him. I was a Tiger fan before this all came out, and I will be again the next time he laces up his spikes. He took a significant hit to his reputation, but I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he becomes a better man for it.
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