Daily Zoot - 4/15/09

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-Josh Beckett was suspended for 6 games by Major League Baseball for throwing at Bobby Abreu's head, or as I like to call it, the fundamentals of pitching. I don't see anything wrong with what Beckett did, here's the blow by blow. Josh Beckett stood on the mound and waited to deliver the next pitch  to Bobby Abreu. Being in no hurry (he was just gonna have to pitch again next inning) he looked back and forth from the man on second to home-plate more than a handful of times. Abreu called for time the Ump granted it, and Beckett *ahem* "expressed his displeasure." So what if that expression came in the form of a 95 mph fastball right at Abreu's dome? Was our country not founded on freedom of expression? Abreu took exception (wuss) and had some choice words for Beckett. Beckett approached Abreu and tried to explain how the constitution protected his rite to threaten his life; that it was only some chin music (and Beckett is a maestro). The rest of the Angels took offense and a near brawl took place. Beckett is getting blamed for the riot when he just threw the pitch. I disagree with this. You don't blame a riot at a movie theatre on the guy who yelled fire. 

-Boxing is suddenly less gold today. Oscar "The Golden Boy" De La Hoya retired from boxing yesterday. He hangs up the gloves with a career 39-6 record (30 by knockout) ten titles across six divisions and a 1992 Olympic gold medal (Not to diminish a gold medal because I know I'm not athletic enough to even dream about winning an Olympic medal; but remember that boxing in the Olympics is like a Nerf version of real Boxing. Fully padded, heavily officiated, poorly attended. It's basically a scored dress rehearsal). He's a got a bronze statue in his likeness outside the Staples Center, and they only do that for people they really love (thats Sadaam territory). I'll chose to remember him more for being the "uncle" of Rock of Love contestant Daisy De La Hoya (Her use of the last name immediately demoted Oscar to "The Silver Boy"). Oscar retires as one of the most successful and most popular fighters of all time. He gets a lot of credit for helping to make boxing popular, essentially funneling all the pre-existent anger that exists in in the Los Angeles Metro area into a more productive activity than rioting.

-Thank God I won't have to go too long without seeing Greg Paulus (Wow, my sarcasm was so strong it warped my keyboard). Paulus is a senior PG at Duke, where he has seen his playing time decrease over his final two seasons (That's not news, that's just something I just enjoy saying over and over again). Now he is getting a look as a football player. Nobody's really surprised, Paulus was the number one QB recruit in the nation coming out of high school before deciding to play basketball at Duke over Football at Notre Dame (Lesser of two evils I guess). He got a tryout with the Packers, and is even talking about playing Quarterback at The University of Michigan Next year. I think there's a pretty big difference in playing hoops at Duke and Footy in the Big ten, and I hop Paulus is ready for the switch. At Duke, if an opponent even has intentions of playing defense, the ref calls a foul; not a lot of contact. I openly, publicly, unabashedly hate greg Paulus, but I'd be amped to see him play a year at Michigan; and I'll be cheering loudest when he suffers his first sack. 

VOD - Kicky Foots

These are some Ronaldinho highlights I thought You might enjoy. I know I never get tired of watching this kind of thing, and I don't even really like soccer. 

Daily Zoot - 4/14/09 - Siskel & Zoot

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

Time restraints have forced me to scrap the normal Zoot for today, and instead bring you a preview of some movies I'm looking forward to this Spring. Movie review websites have to wait until they see the movie to write a review; being a sports website I have the advantage of judging these movies only by the previews. It might be incomplete, but its first. We use a scale that goes as follows:

I'm In (I'll definitely see it in theaters)

Looks Good (Maybe in theaters, definitely on DVD)

We'll See (I'm not going out of my way)

Yikes (No dice)

Funny People:

Funny people is the story of a fading comedy star played by (based on) Adam Sandler and how he deals with his impending death. But it also has Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill in it, so it probably isn't going to be as serious as that last sentence might have made it sound. Sandler makes friends with Rogen, an aspiring comedian, and they share the trials and tribulations of what Sandler is going through. But because it is directed by Judd Apatow, there will definitely be a good deal of potty jokes along the way (good thing). Apatow's movies are very very funny, but they also tend to have a little bit of meaning in them too. Knocked Up was about how pregnancy can affect two people, and 40-year-old virgin was about starting Seth Rogen's career. I expect Funny People to be less funny than his last two movies, but still be more funny than almost any other movie out there. I'm in.

Year One:

The Year One is a buddy movie with Jack Black and Michael Cera that takes place in, you guessed it, the turn of the millennium. Jack Black gets kicked out of his tribe and travels around the world with his new compadre Michael Cera, encountering different biblical events and characters. I've heard its an homage to the Monty Python movies, and should be made in that same style. I personally don't like that style (have at me) so the verdict is out on this for me. It is going to be interesting to see how Cera's archetypal character translates to a time that was before teenage awkwardness; when a child who aced like him would have died at a very young age. The man doesn't have a lot of range, he's lucky everyone seems to love that character. Him and Jack Black should make for a funny combo, I'm just worried they might have tried to do too much. Looks Good.

Sleeper Pick: The Hangover

The Hangover is a movie about a Las Vegas (good) Bachelor Party (better) with Ed Helms and Zach Galifinakis (Best). You might know Ed Helms as the Nard Dog on the Office; and if you don't know Zach Galifinakis (the bearded guy) I implore you to watch the modern cinematic masterpiece that is Out Cold. They are just two of four friends who go to Vegas to celebrate a wedding and end up losing the groom in the process. They have to unravel the whole night through a series of zany adventures and yadda yadda yadda Rob Riggle shoots one of them in the face with a taser. It has the chance to be a trite Bachelor Party movie, but like that version had Hanks and Zmed to help pull it through, we;ve got Helms and Galifinakis. Looks good.

VOD - Throwin' Bo's

The Celtics were losing this game by a ton and Ray Allen thought he had to do something about it with that boney bend in his arm. 

Daily Zoot - 4/13/09 - Masters Wrap-up edition

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-Angel Cabrera won the Master's yesterday,defeating Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell in a two hole playoff. El Pato, or the duck (a nickname given to him based on the way he walks, during elementary school you gotta believe) didn't play great on Sunday, but he played good when it mattered most. Hats off to the duck who waddled his way to a first green jacket. 

-Nobody even knew what Cabrera or Perry or Campbell were doing until they were on about the 12th hole because something way better was going on ahead of them. Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson were paired together at the Master's for only the second time ever. For fans its a dream come true, like a chocolate covered marshmallow (racial connotations, and fat Phil jokes intended). Unfortunately they started the day 7 back from the leaders, and I don't think anyone (particularly me) thought that they had a chance to make a run. Boy were we (I) wrong. For a while it looked like Phil and Tier totally forgot about the rest of the tournament. They went shot for shot, hole for hole all the way back into contention. Phil was -6 on the front nine, but a Phil collapse on the back is more predictable than an episode of House (It's not Lupus). Tiger made it all the way to -10 before dropping a stroke on each of the last two holes (when does that ever happen by the way?). Phil finished with a 67, and Tiger with a 68. They needed a 65 to win, but I don't think anyone is mad at them for coming up a little short. 

-I hate to talk about it but kenny perry had a collapse of monumental (Washington even) proportions. Let me set the scene for those who were too busy with any number religious obligations to watch (priorities). 16th hole, par 3; one of the most famous holes in championship golf. Kenny Perry steps up and hits the shot of his and anyone else's life. He sticks it to 18 inches then strolls up and basically blows it into the hole. So now he stands on the 17th tee with a 2 shot lead. Put a fork in it, lock it up, Done deal, it's all over, warm up the bus; there aren't enough colloquialisms  to describe how over this tournament was. Then Perry, one of the more consistent ball strikers on tour, couldn't put the club head on the ball. He bogeyed the final two holes, while El Pato only had to par out to make the playoff. Perry would lose on the second playoff hole. I think the worst part was seeing Perry's entire family standing behind the 18th green, witnessing to the implosion. That is one uncomfortable mini van ride home. 

VOD(s) - Craziness

Here are a couple great plays from late last week, in case you missed them.

This didn't end up counting because all that detritus above the hoop is out of bounds, but still.  

This one did count, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am with the foot's legality in Volleyball. It's hard to see, but look at the guy in white around the 11 second mark.

Daily Zoot - 4/9/09 - Wide World of Zoot

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

Today we're gonna take a little break from sports. Let's instead hop on the Zoot Express and check out some things going on around the world (The United States).

-Kelley Coffman-Lee is a vegan and she doesn't care who knows it. The back of her car (a gas guzzling Izuzu SUV I might add, way to half-ass it Kelley) is plastered with bumper stickers proclaiming her love of all foods inanimate. Kelley wanted to her license plate to share her pro-veg methodology because, well, there is no room for dietary neutrality on her bumper. The choice she made for her vanity plate has landed her in some hot water, like a nice Maine Lobster (bad analogy). The plate Kelley submitted to the state simply proclaimed her love for bean curd, the lettering does cause somewhat of a problem. Her request read, "ILVTOFU" or "I LOVE TOFU"..............................or "I LOVE TO F*** YOU" whatever your mind wants (nobody's mind wants Tofu). Kelley didn't realize her error when she first submitted it (Yeah, I like Fishsticks). She is upset because Tofu is an important part of her family's diet, and she feels that the DMV misinterpreted the message behind her plate, "There just isn't enough room to spell out, 'have sex with yo'-I mean........." The DMV has a policy against FU on license plates, because (Do they really need a reason?) they don't want anyone to misconstrue the message. It looks like in this particular case, the red-blooded, meat eating, tofu hating majority wins (we always do). 

-Water Jet Pack. Wait, What?

Did you know that we are closer to Green Goblin-esque villainy than ever? Aren't you excited? This is a company called Jet Lev that has made a water propelled jet pack, and it appears to work. I don't need to tell you how important a functioning jet pack can be to our society, you were all 13 years old once. I think my favorite part of the video is the warning that dock landings and takeoffs are dangerous, like the rest of what's going on isn't:

"Daddy can I try the jet pack?"

"Were you planning on executing any dock takeoffs/landings?"

"No"

"What the heck, it is your 6th birthday, strap her on."

I can't overstate the significance of a jet pack, actually I don't think anyone has that ability. The best I can do is try to say what I think it means: A Jet Pack is the missing link between humanity and what humanity can ultimately become, and its pretty neat.

VOD - Ankle Issues

Derrick Rose breaking ankles. Well... just two... Andre Miller's.