Daily Zoot - 4/9/09 - Wide World of Zoot

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

Today we're gonna take a little break from sports. Let's instead hop on the Zoot Express and check out some things going on around the world (The United States).

-Kelley Coffman-Lee is a vegan and she doesn't care who knows it. The back of her car (a gas guzzling Izuzu SUV I might add, way to half-ass it Kelley) is plastered with bumper stickers proclaiming her love of all foods inanimate. Kelley wanted to her license plate to share her pro-veg methodology because, well, there is no room for dietary neutrality on her bumper. The choice she made for her vanity plate has landed her in some hot water, like a nice Maine Lobster (bad analogy). The plate Kelley submitted to the state simply proclaimed her love for bean curd, the lettering does cause somewhat of a problem. Her request read, "ILVTOFU" or "I LOVE TOFU"..............................or "I LOVE TO F*** YOU" whatever your mind wants (nobody's mind wants Tofu). Kelley didn't realize her error when she first submitted it (Yeah, I like Fishsticks). She is upset because Tofu is an important part of her family's diet, and she feels that the DMV misinterpreted the message behind her plate, "There just isn't enough room to spell out, 'have sex with yo'-I mean........." The DMV has a policy against FU on license plates, because (Do they really need a reason?) they don't want anyone to misconstrue the message. It looks like in this particular case, the red-blooded, meat eating, tofu hating majority wins (we always do). 

-Water Jet Pack. Wait, What?

Did you know that we are closer to Green Goblin-esque villainy than ever? Aren't you excited? This is a company called Jet Lev that has made a water propelled jet pack, and it appears to work. I don't need to tell you how important a functioning jet pack can be to our society, you were all 13 years old once. I think my favorite part of the video is the warning that dock landings and takeoffs are dangerous, like the rest of what's going on isn't:

"Daddy can I try the jet pack?"

"Were you planning on executing any dock takeoffs/landings?"

"No"

"What the heck, it is your 6th birthday, strap her on."

I can't overstate the significance of a jet pack, actually I don't think anyone has that ability. The best I can do is try to say what I think it means: A Jet Pack is the missing link between humanity and what humanity can ultimately become, and its pretty neat.