VOD - Moral Victory

And the Deuce

VOD - Avenue MVP

New Nike commercial. Even puppet Lebron has bigger biceps than me.

SubstiZoot - 5/12/09 - ...Because Jordan Won't

It's time to realize that hockey is cool again, at least for the playoffs. 

This is the leader of the craze that's swept America after Hockey's ridiculously drawn-out regular season has finished.

It's time that the faithful zoot-lovers and themsports fans laced up their skates and grabbed their whatever-they-are-called's and got on the ice. What better way than to make hockey interesting than the NHL Playoffs? Monday proved to be a good one; here are the games.

Caps VS Penguins

Last night, the Washington Ovechkins managed to defeat the Penguins 5-4, in OT, on away ice, without Ove taking a single point in the goal statistic (he only managed 3 assists). Might I also add that he was on ice the longest out of the Caps, which could pose a problem in their forced Game 7 in DC. This is the 2nd series in a row that the Caps have forced a Game 7 situation in a must-win situation, and with Ove on his skates a lot recently fatigue could settle in. On second thought, I put my money on the guy who calls himself the Big Russian Machine, just because he plays like he's just trying to piss off Sydney Crosby. I'd be a horrible person to not mention what Syd's done this series. I've got to go to church more. Go Red.

Other mentionable shout-outs for this game:

-Koslov, for picking up the slack and knocking in 2 huge goals, one for the early tie and one for the late lead.

-Donald Brashear, for ruining my hopes by being scratched before tonight's start, but then immediately giving me hope for Game 7 after the win

-Dave Steckel, for making up for last game's shoulda-coulda-woulda miss and finishing off the Penguin's home ice advantage. Back to D.C.

Game 7 Prediction

Now I'm not huge on calling games because of bias, but to be honest - I'm going to destroy my Washington faithfuls with this one. For some reason, I just have a terrible feeling that Malkin and Crosby are going to rain on the Red-Parade on D.C.'s home ice. In the past few games I've gotten to pay attention to Malkin, who is really starting to scare me. Like, really - the man skates a little like Ove, doesn't cry like Sydney, and he barely speaks English. He can't understand D.C. criticism: I'm worried.

You've gotta love this series though, it's bringing a sports-starved Nation (hahahaha) that extra boost of playoff magic that we haven't had in a while. Who cares about the regular season? This is the NHL's Bird/Magic, Red Sox/Yankees, Pats and Colts ; the expected playoff matchup, the expected result: Magnificently played and worth a whole lot of money in marketing dollars. Nice.

Blackhawks VS Canucks

All this red white and blue makes my patriotism swell - wait, what? Right. Great game, I watched the highlights. This is how it should really happen, so that way we don't have to talk about teams that aren't making hockey the coolest sport to watch since Slamball (it's baaack).

Guess what, the Blackhawks won. Crazy, right? A Chicago-based team trails 4-5 to a Canadian team and then the Chicago team makes a miracle 3:17 stretch and manages to come away with the games final 3, and series-ending goals. 

Some notable shout-outs to the winners:

-Some newb 20 year-old named Kane had a hat-trick, but his name isn't Cane so he will not be getting any prolonged recognition, I was compelled to show the similarity.

-Either case, America defeats Diet America/Can'tada (as far as organizational superiority), so let's just chalk that up to the good 'ole US of A and move on.

And thank God, there's no Game 7 in that series so I don't have to make a prediction for them.

With a painful moment in our Themsports history passed, consider this the beginning. More NHL Playoff Analysis to come! (I'm so sorry Jordan)

VOD - Two Hands for Safety

It speaks for itself. One man, two hands, three strikes. 

Daily Zoot - 5/11/09 - Manny Being Zoot

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-Today is my Dad's Birthday; so everybody yell, "Happy Birthday Doc Rubes!" He doesn't have facebook so this will be his only opportunity to get birthday wishes from dozens of near-strangers. 

-There are very few athletes on this planet that I love more than Manny Ramirez. I live very close to Red Sox Nation, but I am not a Red Sox Fan; I got to see all the good without feeling any of the bad. I got to see all of his delightful chicanery with both the bat and the glove without feeling as though he had stepped on my toes when asking for a trade. Everyone who plays MLB has to love the game, but I don't think anyone has as much fun playing it as Manny does. Is his admiring a 500 ft. home run any more narcissistic as an artist hanging a painting in a gallery for everyone to see? If he high fives a fan or two in the middle of an inning is that any less appropriate than shaking hands in the middle of a political campaign? The answer to both of those questions is obviously yes, but that is what I love about Manny; he does what he does no matter what you think about how he does it.

That is why I was so personally crushed when I found out he was suspended 50 games for violating the leagues substance abuse policy. I was especially crushed when I found out what it was for: Manny got got because he was taking a medication called HCG that is most often used as a female-fertility aid (Excuse me? Could somebody fact check this Zoot? that can't be right). The reason it is not allowed in Baseball is because players can sometimes use it to restart the testosterone process after a finishing a steroid cycle. There's gonna be a lot of circular talk on TV about why Manny needed those pills because no one wants to say it exactly. I've been shameless for quite a while now so I don't mind clearing it up for everyone. Here's the situation:

One of the most well known side effects for steroids is that it shrinks your little Mannys. From what I heard its not subtle either, its a very drastic and noticeable alteration. By that I mean its not like, "O man, I just jumped into a cold pool!" but that its more like, "O man, the knot just came undone from my water balloons." Steroid users take drugs like Female Fertility to  try and minimize or even reverse that effect. The goal is to remove one of the more noticeable (depending whose looking I guess) side-effects of steroid use.

 Manny claims that his doctor gave him the medicine for a personal medical issue. Unfortunately, TCS or Tiny Cojones Syndrome isn't gonna fly in the eyes of Major League Baseball. Manny will be eligible to return to Baseball on July 3rd at the earliest. Its not going to hurt the Dodgers, they have a big enough lead to maintain until Manny comes back. I'm not sure its even going to hurt the game (What's the effect of a drop of water on an already overflowing bucket?). It is going to hurt me however, as I now have to watch baseball for the game itself and not for the outrageousness Manny might bring to it on a nightly basis.

VOD - You Were Expecting Something Else?

I want to say that the "Big Baby" has grown up but that would mean that I no longer get to call him a baby. So I'm not going to do that. He hasn't grown up, but he's getting real big.

Daily Zoot - 5/7/09 - Rain Delay

Zooties,

No Zoot today, I have to make sure that I have all my ducks in a row for the end of the year. You have no idea how hard it is to organize ducks. If you're jonesing too hard, there's plenty of old Zoots to read. Be back next week.

Jordan