SubstiZoot - 5/12/09 - ...Because Jordan Won't

It's time to realize that hockey is cool again, at least for the playoffs. 

This is the leader of the craze that's swept America after Hockey's ridiculously drawn-out regular season has finished.

It's time that the faithful zoot-lovers and themsports fans laced up their skates and grabbed their whatever-they-are-called's and got on the ice. What better way than to make hockey interesting than the NHL Playoffs? Monday proved to be a good one; here are the games.

Caps VS Penguins

Last night, the Washington Ovechkins managed to defeat the Penguins 5-4, in OT, on away ice, without Ove taking a single point in the goal statistic (he only managed 3 assists). Might I also add that he was on ice the longest out of the Caps, which could pose a problem in their forced Game 7 in DC. This is the 2nd series in a row that the Caps have forced a Game 7 situation in a must-win situation, and with Ove on his skates a lot recently fatigue could settle in. On second thought, I put my money on the guy who calls himself the Big Russian Machine, just because he plays like he's just trying to piss off Sydney Crosby. I'd be a horrible person to not mention what Syd's done this series. I've got to go to church more. Go Red.

Other mentionable shout-outs for this game:

-Koslov, for picking up the slack and knocking in 2 huge goals, one for the early tie and one for the late lead.

-Donald Brashear, for ruining my hopes by being scratched before tonight's start, but then immediately giving me hope for Game 7 after the win

-Dave Steckel, for making up for last game's shoulda-coulda-woulda miss and finishing off the Penguin's home ice advantage. Back to D.C.

Game 7 Prediction

Now I'm not huge on calling games because of bias, but to be honest - I'm going to destroy my Washington faithfuls with this one. For some reason, I just have a terrible feeling that Malkin and Crosby are going to rain on the Red-Parade on D.C.'s home ice. In the past few games I've gotten to pay attention to Malkin, who is really starting to scare me. Like, really - the man skates a little like Ove, doesn't cry like Sydney, and he barely speaks English. He can't understand D.C. criticism: I'm worried.

You've gotta love this series though, it's bringing a sports-starved Nation (hahahaha) that extra boost of playoff magic that we haven't had in a while. Who cares about the regular season? This is the NHL's Bird/Magic, Red Sox/Yankees, Pats and Colts ; the expected playoff matchup, the expected result: Magnificently played and worth a whole lot of money in marketing dollars. Nice.

Blackhawks VS Canucks

All this red white and blue makes my patriotism swell - wait, what? Right. Great game, I watched the highlights. This is how it should really happen, so that way we don't have to talk about teams that aren't making hockey the coolest sport to watch since Slamball (it's baaack).

Guess what, the Blackhawks won. Crazy, right? A Chicago-based team trails 4-5 to a Canadian team and then the Chicago team makes a miracle 3:17 stretch and manages to come away with the games final 3, and series-ending goals. 

Some notable shout-outs to the winners:

-Some newb 20 year-old named Kane had a hat-trick, but his name isn't Cane so he will not be getting any prolonged recognition, I was compelled to show the similarity.

-Either case, America defeats Diet America/Can'tada (as far as organizational superiority), so let's just chalk that up to the good 'ole US of A and move on.

And thank God, there's no Game 7 in that series so I don't have to make a prediction for them.

With a painful moment in our Themsports history passed, consider this the beginning. More NHL Playoff Analysis to come! (I'm so sorry Jordan)