I Think My Roommate Has Swine Flu

O my God What do I do? I'm trying to play Text twist and my roommate, who in the interest of public safety will remain named - Jimmy Cotterman, is hovering over me with what could possibly be the first confirmed case of Swine Flu at the University of Maryland. I want to tell him to go the Hospital, but I'm trying desperately not to breathe in his general direction.

Maybe I should do a little Swine Flu research, About.com counts as an academic journal right? O here we go, "Although the name 'swine flu' brings up a lot of extra fear and worry, it is important to note that swine flu is just an influenza A H1N1 virus." That's comforting, I guess calling it numbers and letters makes it less deadly than if it has a name. Apparently this new flu is just flu classic with a dash of Swine flu, and a sprinkling of Bird Flu in it. Doesn't that make it flying Pig Flu? That's even scarier. I only like my pigs and birds fraternizing on the dinner plate.

I'm going to play Dr. Zoot and see if I can diagnose him from that list of symptoms:

Fever: I don't have a thermometer but I think his bangs just got singed off. 

Cough: I've got evidence of that on my shoulder.

Runny Nose: He says his nostrils feel like the New York sewer system in Ghostbusters 2.

Body Aches: American Gladiator contestant-eque.

Headache: We might have to chalk that one up to a hangover, maybe swine hangover, but definitely not swine flu.

Chills: I'm gonna measure Chills in head bands gone through - 3. That's a lot for one morning right?

Fatigue: 

8:13 am - "I have an itch on my right leg"

10:42 am -  Jimmy scratches that itch

In my (expert) opinion, thats a clean sweep for Porky's team, my man Jimmy has swine flu. He's a goner, and I have to live with him. That means I get to start playing a game I like to call outrun the inevitable, time me!