Daily Zoot - 9/17/09 - Fumble-Zoot-ski

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Last Monday night, with his Buffalo Bills clinging to a 5 point lead, return man Leodis McKelvin fielded a kickoff a few yards deep in his own end zone. Being the return man that he is, he tried to return it (go figure). He got to about the 20 when he started encountering some opposition. Patriots FS Brandon Meriweather delivered a big hit, but McKelvin stayed standing - which would prove to be his biggest mistake. Meriweather then teamed up with teammate Pierre Woods to strip the ball from McKelvin, and the Pats would recover. The Patriots would then march down the short remainder of the field and score in the final moments to win the game.

Buffalo had led for most of the contest, and the defeat was a heart-breaker for the whole city (can I call Buffalo a city? Isn't it just a slightly larger than normal group of people who have come together to try and use each others body heat to stay warm in an otherwise frigid upstate New York? Does that count as a city these days?). But people are going a bit too far in their treating of McKelvin. Recently, some Buffalo teenagers (is there a more angst ridden group of indivuduals than teenagers who are forced to live in Buffalo?) vandalized his front yard. I'll admit that he should not have taken the ball out of the end zone, and that once he did he should have done a better job at securing it, but we can't criticize a player for doing something that had it gone well we would be praising him for. If he had returned it for a touchdown, there wouldn't be a single word coming out that he should have knelt.

Last Thursday, everyone was on Hines Ward's case about potentially fumbling the game away on the four yard line after making a play that appeared to set up the game winning field goal. everyone clamored, "He should have taken a knee! Why doesn't he just take a knee!? Won't somebody stop him?!" His entire life, people have been telling Hines to get the ball in the end zone. But now he's supposed to go against his entire life of conditioning? The only thing on his mind is getting in the end zone, and frankly that's exactly what I would want from any of my players.

Taking a knee to preserve a win has only happened once that I can remember (Brian westbrook a few years ago) in recent memory. He was universally praised, but at the time people also couldn't believe his headiness; how could he possibly think to do this? What a smart play! But when the opposite happens, we expect that the athlete to go back on everything they know and make the play that's foreign to them.

I'm not saying that it is unreasonable to think that McKelvin could have taken a knee on that kickoff; and I concede that it probably did cost the Bills the game. I just don't think that you can get too angry at a player who is just doing everything he was ever taught, and trying as hard as he can to help his team win.

Daily Zoot - 9/16/09 - Zoot Clearing Brawl

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Last night the Yankees and the Blue Jays got themselves into one hell of a donnybrook. The entire fight can be seen here. In a very large nutshell;

-The Yanks were getting pasted by the Blue Jays last night. Edwin Encarnacion gets plunked after homering earlier in the game. Not a huge deal, this kind of thing happens all the time. Slightly later, Aaron Hill got hit in the same place Encarnacion did and I start to get the feeling it might have been intentional (call me crazy). As Jorge Posada came to the plate later in the game, only those in the stands too young to understand the retribution system in baseball didn't know what was coming next; Jorge was getting beaned and he was getting beaned bad. Blue Jays reliever Jesse Carlson threw a ball behind Posada (which I think is something I would be pleased about if I was posada, but he seemed to feel very strongly opposed). He started to walk to the mound, and mouthed to the pitcher, "You don't want to do that." The pitcher yelled something back, we can assume it was along the lines of, "Actually I did want to do that. In fact, thats exactly what I wanted to do. From my perspective, that whole thing went swimmingly."- or something like that. Posada reached base and went on to score later in the inning. As he crossed home plate, he brushed Carlson (who was covering home like he should have) with his elbow. Posada was immediately tossed by the nearby ump. Carlson took particular exception, and started screaming again at Posada, this time probably something to the effect of, "Hey Mr. Posada, that thing you just did with your elbow right here? I wasn't a huge fan of that." Posada had already been tossed so he figured what the heck, and went after Carlson fists first. The dugouts cleared onto one another, and there were actually some pretty decent punches thrown and landed. Carlson got the worst of it, he wound up with a golf ball-sized, Jorge Posada's knuckle-shaped, welt on his forehead. One would expect the league to levy some pretty hefty fines and suspensions soon on Posada, Carlson, and a few other members of each squad in the coming days/hours.

If Baseball is as American as Apple Pie, then big bench clearing brawls in Baseball are as American as the ice cream that makes it a la mode. In theory you can have one without the other, but separately they aren't much of a dessert. I'm surprised these things don't happen more often. The Yankees and the Blue Jays are division rivals, so they play each other nearly 20 times a season. That's the kind of environment hat bad blood can thrive in - those are nearly ideal conditions.

I just hope that people don't get too worked up about it. I'm sure if you ask Jorge today, he isn't that upset anymore; and neither is Carlson, or anyone else who was involved. The second and final game of this series is tonight, and you can rest assured that the there won't be another fight like that one just because the players are still riled up from yesterday. This was just two men, and then later 50 some-odd men, working out the agression that a 162 game season can bring.

Daily Zoot - 9/15/09 - I'm Gonna Shove This Ball Down Your #$%&ing Zoot

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Over this past weekend Serena Williams was effectively kicked out of the US Open for yelling at an official. The tiny woman above (who is showing remarkably little fear despite being threatened by a woman who appears to be 2 if not 3 times her size) called a foot fault on Serena Williams on match point in her semi-final bout against eventual champion Kim Clijsters. Had she accepted the fault she would have had the opportunity to serve again, however her behavior earned her a single point penalty, and because of the situation cost her the match. Here is the event in its entirety (or should I say eternity, it starts around the 50 second mark):


The greatest irony of all is that Johnny Mac is commentating on the whole thing. The biggest jerk in tennis history, has to admonish actions that seem almost good-natured compared to the events that make up his resume. Serena of course apologized for her actions; She was so broken up about it that she proceeded to win doubles championship with sister Serena and presented at the MTV VMA's (poor kid, she's really taking it hard).

In the immediate aftermath of the event, commentators questioned whether or not Serena was permanantly tarnishing her legacy by acting so infantile. She need not look any further than Johnny himself for the answer to that question. He was the the ultimate bad-boy, and we still have no trouble remembering him for his tennis skill. In fact, he has parlayed that reputation of mis-behavior into a career as a faux-celebrity. He makes commercials, movies, and tv shows, all based on his explosive personality.

Everyone was upset about Brett Favre again this year, but because he is has been so great and loved over the course of his entire career, it doesn't really matter in the long run what he does. He will be remembered as a football player. In fact, he is even featured in a new sears commercial that pokes fun at his inability to make decisions. All you have to do is make one light hearted reference to the event, and you are in the clear. As soon as Serena wins another major, and we all love her again, this whole thing will have gone away. I give it one year before we are seeing commercials for tennis balls featuring Serena Williams that not only make reference to, but capitalize on this event, "Wilson are the only tennis balls I would every shove down your $%#&ing throat."

Daily Zoot - 9/10/09 - College Football Pre-Zoot Pt. 2

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If you were with us yesterday we started our College Football Preview off with a list of teams that I love. If you missed out there's plenty of time to catch up, I'll wait.


The subject of today's portion of the preview is a little less sunshine and lollipops, and a little more failed third-down conversions and blown defensive assignments. I don't know any of the players or coaches I'm about to write about personally so I am not saying I hate them as individuals, that would just be mean. When I say I hate these schools, I'm just saying that I hate their chances this season. For example, I'm sure the Detroit Lions are all perfectly nice guys, but Super Bowl this season? Not so much. So if you're a fan of any of these teams, don't take it personally; this is not an affront directed specifically towards you (for the most part). Now that we've got that settled, lets get on to the list.

Teams I Hate:

Penn State Nittany Lions
Yesterday I was done betting against USC, today I'm done betting on the Big Ten. Rose Bowl after Rose Bowl, championship game after championship game, Big Ten teams get thumped by teams in other conferences. The lone exception is Ohio State hanging tight with Texas in last year's Fiesta Bowl, and that still wound up as a loss. Penn State got manhandled by USC in the Rose Bowl last year. Since then they have lost their best defensive player (Aaron Maybin), another productive linebacker (Dan Connor), and their top three receivers to the NFL. Why am I supposed to believe that if they get back to BCS bowl they will fare any better than they did last year when they were much more talented? I do love Joe Pa(which is why I decided to omit any old jokes from this bit, an incredibly tough thing for me to do). And to be honest I think PSU is a win against Ohio State away from winning the Big Ten. I'm just questioning how much that title is worth.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Remember when I said that this article was not going to be personal for the most part? This is that least part I was referring to. I just flat out hate Notre Dame. I hate that Charlie Weiss is considered a good coach because he was able to win with Ty Willingham's players. I hate that people were shocked and appalled that Brady "the second coming" Quinn fell out of the top 10, when two years later he can only barely beat out the shadow of Derek Andersen for the starting job on a bad Cleveland Browns team. I hate Jeff Samardzija, and that I had to look up how to spell his name just now. Notre Dame was no good last year, and just as bad the year before. But because of a blowout win in a bowl game over Hawaii, they earned a pre-season top-25 ranking. Now they are ranked in the top-20, and we're about two wins away from having the pundits Label them, "back." People are excited about how many players the golden domers are returning from last year, but those are all players from a team that finished one game over .500. They might win 9-10 games this season, but not a single one against a team with any relevance.

The Entire ACC
I could have scrapped the title "teams that I hate" and just called this the Atlantic Coast Conference Preview Edition. In the first week of games, the entire conference mustered 5 wins. 3 were against 1-AA opponents, and one was against another ACC school (Even though it was Miami over a good Florida State team, I'm not counting that one because its a head-to-head, somebody had to win it). In total there was a very lonely one victory against a non-ACC division
1-A school; and that was Clemson over the perennial BCS Conference punching bag Middle Tennessee State. Its sad that one of the BCS games has to be between the "winners" of this conference and the Big East. Off the top of you head, can you name the two teams that played in the Orange Bowl Last Year? Let alone the winner? I don't think the people who organized the game itself could. Parody is a good thing to have in a league, but not if everyone is equally terrible.


Ok fine one JoePa is old joke before I go.

Joe Paterno is so old...
(you) How old is he?
Joe Paterno is so old that he considers natural causes the toughest opponent he'll have to face this season.

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip tour waitresses. Try the Veal.

VOD - Prince Fielder is Huge in Milwaukee

Prince Fielder hits a walk off home run - but you can skip that part of the video. What you want to see is the HR celebration of the year that comes after the big man plods around the bases.

Daily Zoot - 9/9/09 - College Football Pre-Zoot pt. 1

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-Welcome Ladies and Gents to the Them Sports College football Preview. I know what you're saying:

"how can this be a preview when there have already been games played?"

I'm a firm believer in not being able to rank the teams until they play at least one game. Its impossible to know what a team will look like until you see them hitting guys with different jerseys on. For example, if I wrote this article two weeks ago I might have picked Oklahoma to win the Chip this year and I would now look foolish (well, more foolish than I'm about to look with my actual picks). Now I know better; Sam Bradford and his favorite target TE Jermaine Gresham are out and I don't have to waste time with that maroon team from Norman. And I don't even have to bother mentioning Lagarette Blount at all (not that I would have), since he won't be joining us for the rest of the season. I also know what else you are saying:

"This is kind of a cop-out. If you're just gonna do it this way why don't you just wait until the end of the season and do the preview then so you can be even more right?"

And to that I say, don't be such a smart-ass. Let's get to the preview!

Teams I Love:

Florida Gators
To be honest, I would have a much easier time writing a list of things I didn't like about the Gators this year than a list of things I do like about them. So here it goes.

-I've always felt that the blue and orange is a tad ostentatious. We see you, you are all enormous men, you don't have to be so flashy for us to notice you.
-Tim Tebow is left-handed, what's that about?
-I think that everyone should have at least one first name. Florida coach Urban Meyer has an adjective first name, and a bologna last name. Maybe he could borrow one from his in-state rival Miami's Randy Shannon.

But that's it, and frankly, none of those things are good enough reasons for me to pick against the Gators this upcoming season (Even though I really hate south-paw QBs). They are my unanimous (amongst a panel of 1) pick for national champion.

USC Trojans
I'm done picking against USC. I've done it in the past for a litany of reasons, and I'm tired of always ending the season with the same Cardinal and Gold colored egg on my face. I know they have a true-freshman starting QB in Matt Barkley; but this isn't a freshman at Northern Iowa, or Jacksonville St. There's a reason this kid got a scholarship to USC; he knows how to play a little football. Barkley was the national player of the year last year at California's Mater Dei High School, and he was the number 1 overall recruit. He should be able to handle the minimal role that Coach Pete Carroll will ask him to play for the Trojans. Barkley will be at his best if he can stay invisible. Let the backs do the work, move the chains when you have to, and don't make the big mistake. I have faith that he can do that, and I think the rest of the team is strong enough to carry him into national title consideration.

Ole Miss Rebels
I like Ole Miss for a few reasons:

-Their quarterback and Heisman candidate Jevan Snead has a name best suited to play the snobby rich kid in every movie about high school angst I've ever seen. I'm sure you remember this guy, "My parents are in Europe for the week again, so big kegger at my house tonight! O wait, You're not invited Losers!" Sick Burn. But we all know the losers end up with the girl that is way out of their league but somehow totally down to earth and cool; and he ends up with the bowl of punch on his head, or drinking something gross that someone had put in his drink. What are we talking about again?
-Ole Miss is a flat-out great name, it just is, there's no two ways about it. And Rebels is almost better. The two together? Dynamite.
-They are the last team to beat Florida, which should say something about their talent. But more importantly they are not scheduled to play the Gators in the regular season (How does that happen? Get it together SEC). They could make the title game from the SEC West, and pray that someone else knocks off Florida before they have the chance to meet in Atlanta.


Those are the teams I love, that's right, just three. Come back tomorrow for the list that no major college coach wants to be on (or probably even knows about), the teams I hate.

Daily Zoot - 9/8/09 - Double Shot at Zoot

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-Few times in the life of a journalist do they uncover a truly perfect news story; in fact they might never get that chance. Now that definition of perfection varies from reporter to reporter (One man's trash, and so on). When it comes to what I like to write about, I love that trash. I'm like the garbage man, I can't get enough of the stuff. That's what makes the Shawne Merriman and Tila Tequila story so perfect (to me).

First of all it involves a controversial athlete. After becoming a superstar so quickly with the Chargers, Merriman has had some trouble the last few years including a serious injury, and a positive test for steroids. He's a popular target of criticism because of his attitude and style. He's an abrasive character, and he rubs a lot of people the wrong way. That means something important in this instance. When a sandpaper athlete like this gets in trouble, there is no remorse or even a slight delay in vilifying him. Which means that those covering him will immediately be able to jump to conclusions. If Tom Brady might have potentially hit Giselle, we might give him the benefit of the doubt until the facts are sorted out. Not with Shawne, we can go right for the jugular with this one.

Now there is only so trashy a sports story can get on its own. Shawne Merriman allegedly abusing a girlfriend would be kind of grimy in its own right, but bringing in Tila Tequila to play the role of abused girlfriend is a stroke of junk story genius. Tila was the host of a bi-sexual dating show on MTV called Shot at Love. The aim of the show was for her to find love amongst a group of 30 people, half male and half female. Critics claimed she wasn't actually interested in any of the females, and that she only included them so that they could market her making out with the other girls (Not a single one of those critics was male). She wore a bikini during 90% of the taping, and the other ten was just because she had taken her top off. Real class act this one. I watched the show, I'm man enough (or not enough) to admit that. I loved every minute of it, and I think that does nothing but prove the love I claimed earlier for the trashiest of the trash.

I wasn't even aware that the two had been dating, and the surprise of that fact alone made this story tickle me. The actual facts of what happened still remain to be seen. Tila claims that Merriman choked and restrained her, while Shawne claims that Tequila was trying to drive drunk and he did all he had to to prevent her. Either way, Tequila made a citizens arrest of Merriman, which really speaks of how easy it is to make a citizens arrest. Can you imagine Tequila trying to take down Merriman? He could wear her like one of those foxes wealthy old women used to wear back when that kind of thing was popular (widely known as the time of the monacle). Merriman was then arrested, because that is the policy after a citizen's arrest, not necessarily because he was found of any wrong-doing by the police officers that responded. He paid his bail, and was back out on the practice field Monday.

When I first encounter stories like this, I react to them in stages. My growing reaction depends on how the different parts add up, and the large picture they ultimately end up painting. This particular one went like this:

Shawne Merriman,
Great Start: he went to Maryland, I go to Maryland. Also, He can kinda be a jerk, I like where this is headed.

has been arrested for abusing his girlfriend,
Well I hate to see a girl get hurt, but I do love these kinds of stories.

MTV Star Tila Tequila
Orgasm

This story will play itself out over the next couple weeks, and I will try and soak it up as much as I can before it disappears. Lord knows when I'll get the next opportunity to cover such a perfect story, if ever. There is one burning question that comes from this story that I have yet to see covered:

That makes Tila single again right? Does that mean I can start getting excited for Shot at Love 3?

Daily Zoot - 8/12/09 - Not so Welcome Back

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-Wether you like it or not, it appears as though Michael Vick will find a new home in the NFL, and maybe by the end of this week. Its been two years since the whole Vick saga began to play out, and he has since spent 22 months in prison, and a full 2 seasons away from the game. Thats a long time for any player, and an eternity for a quarterback. There are two schools of thought on the future of Mike Vick, and you can't enroll in both: 

I believe Mike Vick is a reprehensible human being, who has no capacity to change his ways, and should not be allowed back into the NFL. The crime he committed is far worse than the dui's and gambling charges that are often overlooked by the league. I will picket any game Vick plays in, and my respect for the league will take a serious hit if they even consider re-instating this monster.

or

I have faith in the justice system, and I believe that if Mike Vick did the time that a jury of his peers deemed appropriate then he is adequately rehabilitated. Once he has served his time, it is not fair to deny a person the right to make a living. What he did was wrong, I am not denying that, but I think it would also be wrong to keep him out of the league, and how does that little bit about two wrongs go again?

I (back to the narrator voice) lie where I think most people do, somewhere in the middle of those two extremes. But I also tend to sway towards the latter perspective. Mike Vick did something awful, but I also believe in a person's ability to change their ways and also that everyone deserves a second chance. He has made a mistake, and I believe that he has payed for it with the jail time, and the scarlet D that he will wear on his chest for the rest of his life. Vick is one of the more exciting athletes to ever put on the pads, and there is no doubt that has played somewhat in the Roger Goodell's decision to let him play. I might not be rooting specifically for him when he comes back (and I chose the word when, as opposed to if, very carefully) but I certainly won't be rooting against him either.