VOD - Umberger W/ Cheese

This is a hit levied by Detroit Red Wings Defenseman Brad Stuart on Columbus' RJ Umberger. If you think that name sounds familiar it because this isn't the first time you have seen Umberger get laid out (and its a hard last name to forget)

Three years ago Yesterday, coincidently enough, Umberger suffered an even bigger hit from the Buffalo Sabres. "How would you like your Umberger? Knocked the F*** Out!"

Daily Zoot - 4/22/09 - National Hockey Zoot

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-Some of my friends are upset that I don't talk about hockey enough in the Zoot. While I'm in the process of evaluating wether or not I want to remain friendly with hockey advocates, I figured I would appease them for just this day (Don't say I didn't get you a birthday present)...it is the playoffs after all so lets get down to it. Last night's game between the New Jersey Devils and the Hartford Whalers was decided by a goal scored with 0.2 seconds left in the game. It was the closest to the final whistle a deciding goal has been scored in NHL Playoff history. I always say Hockey doesn't get good until the last half-second of the game, this just confirms it. Devils goalie Marty Brodeur thought he got bumped before the shot, and threw a pretty impressive temper-tantrum after the game. He ended his tirade when it was calmly explained to him that he plays a contact sport, and that he should probably expect that kind of thing. The Caps trail the Rangers 2-1 heading into tonight's game at Madison Square Garden. Everyone in the D.C. Metro Area has turned red with support for the Caps (or embarrassment for being outed as a hockey fan) so I'm gonna go with them. Is everyone happy now? Good.

-The NFL released the results of the drug test taken by players at the Scouting Combine, and two high profile players have tested positive (and that means bad oddly enough) for marijuana; North Carolina's Brandon Tate, and Florida's Percy Harvin. Nobody really cares about Tate (sorry, but thats the truth) but Harvin is a first round prospect and could go in the top-20. Let me start by saying that Harvin smoking Weed is not going to stop a team from taking him, but testing positive might. What I mean by that is if the results of these tests were classified, the teams wouldn't care less; but now they are afraid that their season ticket holders don't want to watch Sanka line up in the slot. I'm going to go securely out on a limb when I assure you that many, if not much, if not most of the NFL smokes Pot. I mean for god's sake look at Marshawn Lynch. But teams look the other way; that is until it becomes public. I direct your attention to Miami Dolphins v. Williams. It took a fake retirement and a real anxiety disorder to make it OK for Williams to return to the team after he admitted marijuana use. You think they didn't know he smoked weed before they traded for him in 2002? If so, I direct your attention to exhibit a.  (I'm criticizing the dress, not marrying hurricane Ditka. I would marry Mike Ditka in a the time it takes to score a game winning NHL playoff goal (remember?), and you can hold me to that if the situation ever arises.) This positive test is not going to hurt Harvin as a player, it can only hurt his first paycheck, and eventually the teams that chose to pass on him because of it.

VOD - J-Smoothe

Josh Smith can jump way higher than anyone in the Miami Metro Area.

Daily Zoot - 4/21/09 - Zoot Shuttlesworth

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-You can always tell when a good play is going when Kevin Garnett's mouth looks like its escaping from the rest of his face. The good on this particular day was that the Celtics won game 2 against the Bulls, and Ray Allen knocked down the game winning shot. Ray Ray built that drama like he was still in Hollywood; He went 1-12 in Saturday's game one, and scored only four more points than me and everyone reading this sentence combined. In the first half he was equally unremarkable - so much so in fact that I refuse to even remark on it.........then he came out in the second half like the resurrection (Let me know if I'm going to far with this whole Jesus thing, I'm still anticipating the day when I find that line and am never heard from again). He scored 28 points in the second half, including the game winning 3 pointer you can watch below (Woody!). Allen's 30 overshadowed Ben Gordon's 42 (It was UConn night at the Garden). Somehow getting lost in all the hoopla of the end of the game was the play of Rajon Rondo. The smallest man on the court Monday played inarguably the biggest game. It was like Joe Pesci's performance in My Cousin Vinny (Glen Davis' 26 points and 8 boards, much like Marisa Tomei's Oscar, is more exception than rule). Rondo controlled the early part of the game, sprained his ankle in the first half, returned, and still limped to a 15pt./16ast./12reb./5stl. Triple Double (Usually you add insult to injury, in this case the injury just found this insulting). Ray won the game in the end, but he wouldn't have been in that position had Rondo not played the game he did. The series moves to Chi-Town tied at 1-1. 

-Shifting attention to the Bulls, I want to help F Joakim Noah with something it appears he has been struggling with since College. At The University of Florida, he was a two time national champion, and the face of one of College Basketball's rare dynasties. He played hard every game; and played well enough to be the ninth overall pick in the 2007. Yet, every time Noah steps on the floor, he is usually the object of the opposition's fans (and even his own fan's) scorn. He is at constant war with the crowd's public opinion, and he doesn't understand why. Let me clear it up for him. I'm not even going to talk about his hair; he has a mirror, I'm sure he can see what he's doing to himself (I will say however that when you're ugly, appropriate hair composition is even more crucial. A painting of a stick figure in a solid gold frame is still a stick figure, but hey look at that shine!). Unfortunately for him what people hate about him is something he'll have the most trouble changing, his personality. He plays hard, we get it. But when his intensity becomes emotion, Noah starts to have a problem. When things don't go his way, and even when they do, we get the face you see above. That picture is the reason people don't like Joakim Noah, and why it is unlikely they ever will. Thats the face we get for everything; you can't have bitter beer face be our default. Also, don't talk to the crowd. When you picked up two fouls in about 18 seconds last night, the crowd started chanting "Noah Sucks" (and who can blame them?) You scored a basket on the next possession and retreated back across mid-court shhshhhing (could someone toss me a vowel?) the crowd. What good could come of that? How many fans saw that and thought to themselves, "Well, that was two points in a game that will ultimately see 233 scored, let me just zip this mouth right up." Joke-im (Get it?), the faster you can get out of your own way, the faster you can get people to start liking you. Stop acting like a child and remember that you are a PROFESSIONAL basketball player (key word - Professional). And, unfortunately you do have to change your hair. if you don't have a mirror; get one, get to know it, and learn its relationship with a comb and scissors.

VOD - Woody Ray Allen

First of all, great shot and big Celtics Win. But what makes this video VOD worthy is what Kevin Harlan calls Ray Allen right after he makes the game winning shot (around the :12 mark). And also, how many times can TNT show Kevin Garnett saying the F word? the answer is a million.

Daily Zoot - 4/20/09 - Zoot Pandering

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed yesterday, soon

Any Good writer knows his audience, and I know my audience isn't trying to read anything today. While I don't agree with it, I can't do anything to stop it. So in lieu of the Zoot I'm just going to put up some things I've found that I think you might enjoy, today in particular. Some of the videos were hard to work with and wouldn't go up on the site without a fight, I apologize for the links. 

Test Your Awareness:

(Spoiler Alert: Its not that Good)

My Personal Favorite, the Super Slow-Motion Collection:

I Like to think they all deserve it

(Warning, this is a video of people getting punched in the face, and it is pretty violent. If you're not trying to see that go to the water balloons):

A Water Balloon Popping in Slow Motion:

And One that doesn't:

And Kind of the opposite:

An air Balloon popped Underwater

In the Interest of Space, I'm going to cut it there. I don't want to be the one who makes the Internet explode. Normal Zoot returns with your normal appetite tomorrow.

VOD - Daily Double

I'm Sure you saw the Yankees got slammed this weekend at Yankee Stadium, you might not have seen that the Indians hung nearly a decade and a half on them in One Inning! Every player in the Indian lineup had a t least a run and a hit in that inning, here it is. 

If you didn't see this either this is Arizona St. Wr Kerry Taylor during Spring workouts in Tempe. It's all in the gloves.

Daily Zoot - 4/16/09 - Say it Ain't So

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

Celtics Coach Doc rivers said this morning that F Kevin Garnett is likely out for the entirety of the playoffs. He suffered a knee injury in February that has gotten worse instead of better. Now it turns out he has Bone Spurs in his knee also (fantastic). If he had gotten surgery two months ago............who knows. Don't expect the Celtics to now lose in the first round to the Bulls, they should still win that series. It does mean that they likely don't have a shot to win the title anymore (something that pains me to type). 

I'm gonna cut the Zoot short because I don't think you want to hear the ramblings of a despondent Celtics Fan, and I don't want to talk about anything else. Usually I try to keep the Celtics off the site because I don't want to get carried away, but this is a special case. Tomorrow, when I come out from under the rock I've crawled under, we'll talk Zoot. 

Maybe this will make me feel better: