VOD - Movie Day

No Sports video today; instead you can start getting excited for this.

Daily Zoot - 4/1/09 - Coach Cal Edition

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

- John Calipari is not going to be the next Basketball Coach at University of Kentucky; April Fools. Cal is leaving Memphis for what he said was his "dream job" in Kentucky. I'd never heard Kentucky and dream in the same sentence before; except, "I was just having this wonderful dream that I'd never heard of Kentucky."  "I'm just a normal guy, I don't walk on water, I don't have a magic wand." said Calipari as he drank wine from his water bottle. the contract is for 8 years and somewhere in the neighborhood of $32 mil. He warned Kentucky and its fans not to expect results to fast. That's easier said than done, Kentucky fans are already expecting him to win this weekends final four.

-Cal's 2009 recruiting class at Memphis was tops in the country. It remains to be seen where those players will end up. He had already landed 2 of the top 5 recruits in Xavier Henry, and Demercus Cousins, while he was the leading candidate to land the best PG in the land in John Wall (Cal could always get the best players, the finished product just couldn't get it done; like Ocean's 11). These three could follow Cal to Kentucky, and the Wildcats would be a top ten team NEXT YEAR. Recruiting is where Cal looks to make the biggest impact at Kentucky. He's like the mystery of college basketball. 

-So where does that leave Memphis. They lose arguably the best coach n their history and inarguably the nation's best recruiter. They look to lose all their 2009 commitments, and wil likely see other players leave via transfer. the announcement prompted their best player Tyreke Evans declare for the draft, "If coach is leaving, so am I." Silver Lining; they got $200,000 for allowing Calipari out of his contract. Memphis was clearing house and they didn't even know it. Memphis AD R.C. Johnson had this to say, "We'll start re-building. our first goal is to get a new coach, and a new pillowcase; mine's to salty." 

VOD - Bron Bron

What a jerk

Daily Zoot - 3/31/09 - Grasping at Straws

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

I'll admit it, I felt a little bit dirty after I broke my promise promise to stop talking college hoops, and did the complete opposite in yesterday's Zoot. Luckily, Axe makes a body wash that removes guilt, It's called Axe:Complacency. A quick rub-a-dub-dub and I'm ready to compromise my journalistic integrity all over again. Because at this point in March Madness, I'll take any correct pick I can muster, even if I have to pick my nose (Gross!). If you weren't with us yesterday (no biggie just scroll down a scosh), we picked UConn to advance past Michigan St. in the first final four game, mostly because of my ignorance/fear of the midwest. So lets turn our attention to the other game, and see if we can't wrangle up a winner.

North Carolina v. Villanova

Why North Carolina Will Win:

UNC is going to win because they have Tyler Hansbrough. He is the face of the sport; and as we've learned with Tim Tebow, guys like that don't tend to lose. I like to imagine that Hansbrough and Tebow were raised together by wolves in a very Romulus and Remus type scenario. Would it surprise anyone if that turned out to be the case?  North Carolina also has Ty Lawson, and it appears that he is finally healthy. His lingering injury was the biggest news-story about feet since this little piggy wanted roast beef. Behind their two stars UNC is a deep and talented team. Wayne Ellington provides outside shooting and musical accompaniment. Danny Green does a little bit of everything on the court, which is miraculous considering his ongoing battle with epilepsy (that's the same thing Elaine had right?) and Deon Thompson leads a strong rotation of Big guys not named Hansbrough. On paper, UNC is as good as any team in the country. 

Why Villanova Will Win:

I'm going to be honest, I had Villanova losing in the second round to UCLA, so I'm not really sure what chance they have against UNC. I know I wouldn't pick them, and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Villanova seems like the classic, "because no one said we could" team. The requirements are simple; you have to be a little undersized, and at least 65% of your players have to be "scrappy", whatever that means. While I don't think they can win, Nova already took down heavily favored Pitt; so its clear that they have no regard for the success of my picks (jerks). If Nova is going to beat UNC they have to get under Hansbrough's skin and exploit the Tar Heels' defensive inadequacies. Scottie reynolds is a multi-talented lead guard, and Dante Cunningham has good size and athleticism to match up with Tyler. If Nova's big guns can out duel UNC's, than the Cats have a chance.

Who Will Win:

UNC: While I love the Big East Pedigree Nova touts, I also feel that the Heels are too deep. Both teams are trying to play a running game, and UNC simply has more horses.

That hypothetically sets up UConn v. UNC in the National Championship game. I bet you want me to pick it? Well I'm not going to. I have enough trouble picking games between two teams I know are playing each other, let alone two that might or might not. I've embarrassed myself enough. I'll pick the national championship game on Monday, and I have a feeling it'll be between Nova and Sparty.

Cane's Corner 3/31/09

After a bit of a hiatus the Corner is back with those crazy news stories you never heard about..

A Kazakhstan woman claims that she is 130 years old! This would shatter the previous record for world's older person held by a Frenchwoman who died at 122 in 1997. Skeptics believe that she is unlikely to be 130 because her only living daughter is 76, meaning that she would have given birth at 54. Sahan Dosova showed AP reporters her passport and identity card which show her date of birth as March 27, 1879. I don't know about you but I'm certainly moving to Kazakhstan for some R and R with my man along with her

A 19-year old man was arrested in Harrisburg, PA while trying to rob a retired police chief at a police officers convention. John Comparetto was robbed at gunpoint while coming out of a bathroom at a convention of 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio. The man is described as "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania". When leaving the courtroom the suspect commented "I'm smooth". This man earned a spot with an elite few.

Heres a lesson in driving drunk, a woman from Washington state was arrested for driving drunk THREE TIMES in THREE DAYS while on vacation in Wisconsin. What a vacation, the first arrest came when she was trying to drive out of a ditch with one shoe on. Her blood alcohol level of 0.21 was almost three times the legal driving limit of .08. A day later she was arrested after her car got stuck in the snow in a park that was clearly closed for winter. Don't worry I've already put in a call for her to get some counseling from another alcoholic.

You know that State Farm young drivers commercial featuring some tricks in T.V. magic, I love it especially the young kid at the end grabs his jacket on his way out to work. Well a Montana woman put her 12-year old daughter to the test by letting her drive the girls three younger siblings to daycare some five miles from their home. The mother let her daughter drive children whose ages range from 1 to 4 years old all because she was sick and on medication. The mother faces five criminal counts and a one-on-one session with Oprah and Dr. Phil for a "what-the-hell-were-you-thinking".

VOD - Bob Knight's Calves

This is a new commercial for Guitar Hero featuring UNC Coach Roy Williams, Louisville's Rick Pitino, Duke's Mike shsjfjejkskdocneuwski, and Bob Knight. Bob Knight in underwear is more rock'n'roll than Metallica.

Them Sports Best Movie Ballers pt. II & III

Here it is folks, believe it or not there is more to basketball than the NCAA Tournament. Created in 1985 and beloved for decades to follow is our second installment in the Best Sports Movie Ballers:

Teen Wolf

The only reason this movie is awesome is because of the main character,
Scott Howard, and the fact that he's played by Michael J. Fox. If I said
the names Jeph Loeb or Matthew Weisman would they ring a bell? No?
Didn't think so. These genius writers came up with Teen Wolf and then
rode their fame to create episodes of Lost and the movie Burglar,
starring Whoopi Goldberg. (1985 equivalent of Mad Money)

In the end I really don't even care about this movie - but I'll give you
the reader's digest version:

1. Kid is struggling on a bad high school team
   
2. He's undersized and they can't win
   
3. He wants a girl; she wants a guy who doesn't call himself Jenius
   
4. Holy crap there's a full moon: Michael J. Fox = Werewolf
   
5. Dad says "I prayed you wouldn't get my wolf-blood" and drops a
6. Spider-Man reference
   
7. Overly-insulated half-animal = amazing at basketball
   

Remember John Tucker? He was shaven; without 4" arm hair, and even
seduced teachers. But he NEVER had Teen Wolf status. Would YOU
befriend a man that looks like he shouldstanding next to half of a Statue
of Liberty?

Front flips, no misses, and the admiration of everyone he wanted, and
he doesn't need a coat.

That's a baller.

THEM SPORTS BEST MOVIE BALLERS pt III

The Monstars

So the Looney Tunes meet their worst enemy ever, Swackhammer, outer space's Al Davis. Who am I kidding - it IS Al Davis. Regardless, this gruesome leader demands that Bugs Bunny and gang must come work for him at Moron Mountain. Oh no!

Somehow, Bugs convinces the slave-master to allow the Luney Tunes to play Al Davi--Swackhammer's squad. His goon crew goes out to basketball arenas in the US after Baller Mojo like they're Doctor Evil. This squad, ladies and gents, is our part III of an ongoing mini-series that is the Them Sports Best Sports Movie Ballers:

Pound, Bang, Blanko, Nawt And Bupkus are the most complete
team that outer space has ever assembled overnight. It's fitting
that Pound is the name of the Alien who steals Charles Barkley's
talent/weight(drinking) problems. I think it's hilarious that the one
with a flat-top (Bang) is overly aggressive which I blame on his
host Patrick Ewing's extreme love of peanuts. And why not throw
in the likes of Larry Johnson as the emotional Bupkus, and round
off the post with Shawn Bradley's skill and stupidity. Nawt, on the
other hand is fantastic. This little guy obviously steals Mugsey
Bogues' vertical and goes to town on the Toons with no remorse

Long story short these Aliens drive the Toons to convince Michael

Jordan out of retirement (easiest thing ever), so that he can come

back and ruin another franchise. Did I say that? I meant that they

convinced him to give up baseball (smartest thing ever) because

he wasn't a baseball player. Somehow the Toons lose but

Swashuckler or whatever his name is gets beat up by the Monstars,

who are awesome.

I never said the plot was gold; I'm not sure if it's bronze, or even

fake-tan. But it had the Luney Toons, it had Michael, and it had

the best cartoon team of ballers assembled in animation history:

the Monstars.

Daily Zoot - 3/30/09 - Final Four Shot in the Dark

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

A week ago today I promised that I was done with College Basketball. I thought I wasn't qualified to pick games because I had a history of getting it wrong. Then I saw Seth Davis' bracket , and I realized picking winners doesn't really matter. Seth is a college basketball writer for Sports Illustrated, and a studio analyst for CBS' coverage of the big dance. Seth got one final four team in. ONE! If he can bat .250 and still be on television, than my .250 should at least lift the college basketball ban from the Zoot. So I'm gonna break that promise, and I don't really feel that bad about it either:

UConn v. Michigan St.

Why Uconn will win: 

Living near, and having been to Storrs, Connecticut I can assure you that the Huskies will be trying as hard as they can to extend their vacation, even if it is in Detroit. 8 Mile is a waaaaaaay better movie than Grizzly Adams. Don't get me wrong, the UConn Campus is beautiful. I'm just saying that a diamond in the rough is still in the rough; and if we're talking about rough, Storrs is the US Open. Also, they have a pretty good basketball team. You already know what to expect from Them Player of the Year Hasheem Thabeet. AJ Price has been so good this tournament its criminal, that's not a laptop joke; I'm just saying he could be a steal for someone in the upcoming draft (Wordplay!). And as weird looking as Stanley Robinson is (he's got two foreheads and he keeps one on top of the other), he is an explosive leaper and matchup night mare. And don't you just feel safer rooting for Jeff Adrien than against him? He's a big scary man, and I'm not trying to get on his bad side. 

Why Michigan St. Will Win:

The final four is being played in Detroit, so Michigan St. should have the decided home court advantage. The game is being played at Ford Field. Because of the way the stadium is set up, even if it is sold out there will be tens of thousands of empty seats. But the Lions play there so no one really knows what it looks like full anyway. By the way, I can't help but appreciate the cruel irony that a championship anything is being awarded where the Detroit Lions play. Michigan St. is a tough defensive minded team led by PG Kalin Lucas, big guy Goran Suton, and swingman Raymar Morgan. Suton had 19 points and 10 rebounds in the elite 8. If he comes up at your tournament watching party, may I recommend making the "Hey You Guuuuyyss" joke? Or maybe just the frankenstein walk; its all gold. 

Who Will Win:

UConn. They have superior talent, and the biggest person in the room. You never mess with the biggest person in the room. If they play like they're supposed to, they should make it to the final game.

I'm milking the final four for all its worth, so read tomorrow's Zoot for my take on UNC/NOVA.