Them Sports Best Movie Ballers pt. II & III

Here it is folks, believe it or not there is more to basketball than the NCAA Tournament. Created in 1985 and beloved for decades to follow is our second installment in the Best Sports Movie Ballers:

Teen Wolf

The only reason this movie is awesome is because of the main character,
Scott Howard, and the fact that he's played by Michael J. Fox. If I said
the names Jeph Loeb or Matthew Weisman would they ring a bell? No?
Didn't think so. These genius writers came up with Teen Wolf and then
rode their fame to create episodes of Lost and the movie Burglar,
starring Whoopi Goldberg. (1985 equivalent of Mad Money)

In the end I really don't even care about this movie - but I'll give you
the reader's digest version:

1. Kid is struggling on a bad high school team
   
2. He's undersized and they can't win
   
3. He wants a girl; she wants a guy who doesn't call himself Jenius
   
4. Holy crap there's a full moon: Michael J. Fox = Werewolf
   
5. Dad says "I prayed you wouldn't get my wolf-blood" and drops a
6. Spider-Man reference
   
7. Overly-insulated half-animal = amazing at basketball
   

Remember John Tucker? He was shaven; without 4" arm hair, and even
seduced teachers. But he NEVER had Teen Wolf status. Would YOU
befriend a man that looks like he shouldstanding next to half of a Statue
of Liberty?

Front flips, no misses, and the admiration of everyone he wanted, and
he doesn't need a coat.

That's a baller.

THEM SPORTS BEST MOVIE BALLERS pt III

The Monstars

So the Looney Tunes meet their worst enemy ever, Swackhammer, outer space's Al Davis. Who am I kidding - it IS Al Davis. Regardless, this gruesome leader demands that Bugs Bunny and gang must come work for him at Moron Mountain. Oh no!

Somehow, Bugs convinces the slave-master to allow the Luney Tunes to play Al Davi--Swackhammer's squad. His goon crew goes out to basketball arenas in the US after Baller Mojo like they're Doctor Evil. This squad, ladies and gents, is our part III of an ongoing mini-series that is the Them Sports Best Sports Movie Ballers:

Pound, Bang, Blanko, Nawt And Bupkus are the most complete
team that outer space has ever assembled overnight. It's fitting
that Pound is the name of the Alien who steals Charles Barkley's
talent/weight(drinking) problems. I think it's hilarious that the one
with a flat-top (Bang) is overly aggressive which I blame on his
host Patrick Ewing's extreme love of peanuts. And why not throw
in the likes of Larry Johnson as the emotional Bupkus, and round
off the post with Shawn Bradley's skill and stupidity. Nawt, on the
other hand is fantastic. This little guy obviously steals Mugsey
Bogues' vertical and goes to town on the Toons with no remorse

Long story short these Aliens drive the Toons to convince Michael

Jordan out of retirement (easiest thing ever), so that he can come

back and ruin another franchise. Did I say that? I meant that they

convinced him to give up baseball (smartest thing ever) because

he wasn't a baseball player. Somehow the Toons lose but

Swashuckler or whatever his name is gets beat up by the Monstars,

who are awesome.

I never said the plot was gold; I'm not sure if it's bronze, or even

fake-tan. But it had the Luney Toons, it had Michael, and it had

the best cartoon team of ballers assembled in animation history:

the Monstars.