This is freaking hilarious

Breaking News: Terrell Owens has been cut from the Dallas Cowboys roster
(Originally posted 12:00AM March 4th)

If it had not been for the World's Most Badass Grandmother that I read about today, this could have been the best news I've received all day. Jerry Jones, the king of all douchebags has done it again folks.

Now, don't get me wrong by thinking that I'm not supporting the release of a monumental toxic outbreak; I despise Terrell Owens. He talks, and talks, and talks, and talks some more for most of his teammates as well. He runs his mouth on the sideline, and when he loses he blames it on his team not getting HIM the ball enough. Granted, with an 8/13 double-digit NFL seasons ratio, we're looking at a dominant player who just has a ridiculous attitude problem. Tell me something I don't know; that's why he went to University of Tennessee: Chattanooga. Probably.

Regardless, now we get to look at the next sucker who wants to pay 4 years at 34 million dollars to see their team fall apart. Here are my top contenders:

1) Oakland Raiders: With Al Davis beginning to resemble creatures from the black-hole he created, his mind may have left the building ... so why not? He's already got an overpaid/terrible quarterback, 3 running backs and no wide receiver - if you're that crappy of an owner to have your best record since 2002's Superbowl run end up 5-11, you might be desperate enough to put #81 in all black.

2) New England Patriots: Screw it. Why not? With a coach who can seemingly tame any athlete that walks by New England and a region that thrives for WR's for Brady to chuck to, it just seems too good. Randy Moss, Wes Welker, newly-arrived Fred Taylor, a hopefully healthy Brady and holy crap, T.O.

3) Washington Redskins: Dan Snyder has enough money, hates Jerry Jones and is just stupid enough to be considered an Al Davis-esque future owner who won't let go.

4) Chiefs, Packers, 49ers: These teams are all desperate for "positive" media attention and could a liiittle extra help in their receiever package. Aging Tony Gonzalez still is an absolute freak, but you've gotta give someone else for Cassell to throw to after leaving New England. And after the negative Nancy parade that was Brett Farve last year, all the Packers need is someone to take the blame for more upcoming struggles. He might be good for a year and then you can cut him like everyone else - before the wound gets too deep in your organization. As for the 49ers? As far as I'm concerned the only guy in the NFL who has the balls to do it is Mike Singletary. He is by far the most intimidating man to ever look like a goomba and a TMNT at the same time. T.O. and Michael Vick on the same team babaaay! It might not be as classy as Young to Rice, buuut, shit could be worse.