Daily Zoot - 4/8/09 - A Zoot Unlike any Other

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

-This week the Masters returns, and with it meaning to my life. I didn't realize how much I loved the Master's until I noticed some of the ways that I behave differently this week:

 

-The voice of my inner monologue is replaced by Jim Nantz

-I can recognize, identify, and appreciate Azaleas.

-I find myself trying to rationalize the anti-semitism at Augusta National, "Well, we typically aren't very good golfers..."

Everything about the Masters is awesome; The Prize, the most prestigious trophy in golf, is something you would find in a pimp's closet (If Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan had a nickel for every time someone mistook him for a masters champion...). The song on the broadcast sounds like an angel with gold fingers playing on a piano made of love. And there aren't any women allowed (Holler at me Hootie). The best thing is that the whole is even better than the sum of its collective parts. The Masters is the jungle juice of golf tournaments, and I wish I could be drunk on it all year.

-I'm going to try and pick a winner because, well, I really enjoyed the lack of accountability that came with making bad tournament picks. It's a total win-draw situation. There are 96 competitors in the Masters, but when you pick a winner it comes down to one of two options; Tiger or the Field. Tiger hasn't won the Masters in four years, and this is only his fourth tournament since returning from knee surgery. But if I said to you, "100 boneskis; I'll take Tiger, you got the field" do you take that bet? Of course not (especially not in this economy when boneskis are more valuable than ever). Give me Tiger, at -8.

-Congratulations to the Lady Huskies of UConn (woot woot) who capped off a 39-0 season with a win against Louisville in last night's NCAA Championship game; reppin' that 860 (I think that's the first time reppin' has ever been used in the same sentence as a semicolon). They won by more than 34 ppg, and won every game by at least 10. They trailed only once in the second half this season, the first possession against Notre Dame. Usually you have to pay good money for domination like that (their safety word was Auriemma).

VOD - Them Video Anthology

In honor of Michael headed to the hall, three of my favorite Jordan commercials.

Clearly his universe operates in "Bill & Ted"'s theory of time travel where you can exist with yourself in another time. If this happened on Lost, we'd all be dead.

As much as I love him, does anyone have less charisma than Larry Bird?

I was in this commercial originally; I played Michael getting cut from his high school team, but that got left on the cutting room floor.

Daily Zoot - 4/7/09 - Opening Day Recap

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

This edition of the Zoot is meant to catch all the stories from Yesterday's Opening Day that you might have missed. But first, a requisite mention of the National Championship:

-I don't like to say I told you so...I love it. And if you remember correctly *ahem* I called UNC to win the National Championship last night. Sure they were the third team I picked to win it all; but a pick's a pick and that has to mean something (it doesn't). And I can't complain with North Carolina winning it, even if I think Tyler Hansbrough looks like David after Dentist. 

Now on to the Diamond:

-The biggest story from Yesterday, for me at least, was that Ken Griffey jr. Homered in his first game back with the Seattle Mariners. The kid came up with the Mariners in 1989 and played 11 of history's best seasons in the Emerald City. When he left Seattle for Cincy in 1999 Baseball fans died a little bit. Here's a comparison for non-Baseball fans. When The Beatles no longer were together, Paul McCartney joined Wings. Sure Wings is decent (I could live and let die all day), and Paul was pretty good in it, but you just want to see him with that mop top. Griffey's Home Run yesterday was as close to a Beatles reunion as I think we'll ever get. 

-C.C. Sabathia gave up 6 runs, and Mark Texiera went hitless in their Yankee debut. The team spent 340 million dollars on these guys alone, and I'm ready to write them off. Sample size Shmample Size, I've seen enough. Texeiera's performance is somewhat understandable. He's from MD, and was being booed by his own hometown fans, I get it. But I expected CC to show up at least. He's a monster. He's 6'7", and is listed at 290 lbs. He usually looks like Paul Bunyan on the mound. Yesterday he looked like Grimace in pinstripes. If I'm a Yankee's fan, how badly do I feel that I actually miss Alex Rodriguez?

-The Mets surgically reconstructed bullpen held up in their first test. Newly acquired releivers JJ Putz and K-Rod were able to shut the door on a 2-1 Mets Victory. I'm not going to make a joke now. This is the part of the season, where the Mets look good and build a healthy lead in the NL East, that we in the biz call the set up. When the Mets end the season crumbling faster than feta ... again ... that'll be the punch line.

If you missed Opening Day, don't worry about. You could miss the next two months and still have a hundred games left. Because in Baseball, you can never spread yourself too thin.

VOD - Obviously

Like it wasn't gonna be One Shining Moment. 

Daily Zoot - 4/6/09 - National Chip Edit.

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

1 Out Of 2: I'll take it!

It does bug me that the one I didn't get was my beloved Huskies, and that I will likely never have another good reason to support Tanzania as wholeheartedly (and what a picture this is). But UNC made it through and they will face Michigan St. in tonight's NCAA Final. I got 50% on Saturday, and I'm feelin' pretty good. I was so bad earlier that this recent hot-streak of mediocrity has actually inflated my mood. I just flew to the middle of the pack. with this renewed blind confidence, here's my pick for tonight's game (based on my picks for Saturday, there's a 50% chance that this is how its going to be)

(drumroll)

North Carolina def. Michigan St. 86-67

UNC was the pick to win the national championship before the season, and I think that's where they end up. I think they make a pretty easy day out of it too. People are always looking for comparisons, and there is a pretty good one for this game. We got North Carolina (check) v. Michigan St. (yup) in front of a strong Michigan St. crowd (bingo) on the same ridiculous field (come on, really?). In early December these two teams matched up on Ford Field to test it out before this year's final four. North Carolina whooped Spartans by 35. I know Mich St. didn't have Goran Sutan, but he's not exactly spinach (is that always what Popeye's face looked like? or did he just open the arc of the covenant?) UNC beat them then, and they will beat them, end of story.

But the story doesn't end there, Michigan St. is a different team now than they were back then. They have the entirety of Michigan hanging on their back (which is easy because its shaped like a hand). detroit has been going through some tough times, for sports but especially in the economy, and the city is really enjoying having a run like this. Its like getting fired, dumped, and beat up; but then finding a penny on the sidewalk. Every little bit of hope helps. Unfortunately, for the hopes and dreams of the hopeless and dreamless, I don't think its going to be enough. North Carolina has too many Pros. Each one of their five starters, and a couple on their bench, will at least have a cup of coffee in the league. michigan St. has two or three, tops. 

What I've been trying to avoid, but under relentless pressure have decided to mention, is that these teams share a rare characteristic; a loss to Maryland. Editor's sidenote: I went through something similar to this in 2003 when Syracuse won the national championship, but had been swept in the regular season by UConn. I feel now as I did then, that Maryland automatically should become the national champion. We beat both of them, I mean, what else do you want? And don't say consistent success instead of occasional flashes of brilliance, because that doesn't count and you know it.  We get the surprisingly understated trophy, Gary gets to keep his job, and Greives Vazquez becomes Commissioner of earth, done and done.

Duh - April 6th 2009 is MJ Day

The 2009 class of the NBA's Hall of Fame is released today...

Yup. You guessed it. Michael Jordan is officially going in the Hall. How could you possibly vote "No" for a career-boosting, high-flying(the best video ever created) winning machine? Well maybe if you played in the NBA while Jordan was taking his six rings: Shaq, Mr. Snickers, Charles Barkley, John Stockton, Karl Malone, Gary Payton and Clyde Drexler. But they wouldn't vote against him - 30 pieces of silver couldn't even budge Rodman to vote no.

On a serious note, I am not condoning calling Jordan the greatest player of all time, which he most likely is. There are arguments for Jordan and there are several players that make it seem like Jordan shouldn't be it. Wilt, Kareem, even the likes of Bird and Magic. But even if you're a Wilt fan, you have to realize something: Bill Russell technically has 15 Rings (2 from College, and he was a player/coach in the NBA for two of his 11 Championship seasons), 1 Gold Medal, and more recently a pretty nifty trophy named after him.

The argument for ppg (points per game) falls short here. Best player of all time definitely would go to the man that had the most rings - that's the big goal, right? Like everyone says, defense wins Championships - but you gotta love His Airness.

If we could grab a time machine I'd love to send Lebron to the 60's and bring Bill back. Let's see what kind of deals Nike would have for him. The Eras are different, the competition was different, but you can never say that one player or the other stood alone as the #1 player. It's more like #1*

*Asterisk indicates an unbreakable tie

VOD(s) - Them Video Anthology

In honor of today being the official opening day (one game doesn't count Philadelphia) here's a collection of the worst first pitches in history. Hopefully this list grows a little today. 

Yeah, that is Mariah Carey. And Yup, she is in Japan. No, I don't know why. It was a terrible decision for her to do this, but I'm not surprised; she did marry Drumline. 

This is the Assistant Dean of the Nevada Medical School. Even Vegas' Medical School gets hammered. 

This video gets points because it's mixed with one of my favorite ad campaigns of all time. If you could mix in a little dudemadness (don't be afraid to click that, you'll enjoy it-and not like that) I don't think I'd ever leave my computer.

And the cream of the crop, the greatest pitch of all time. This is Cincy Mayor Mark Mallory on Red's opening day. Mallory's your last name, right? Because you're really in a league of your own. Zing!

Daily Zoot - 4/2/09 - Practice?

The Daily Zoot is all the news you needed to know yesterday, soon

Due to time restrictions, the Zoot has been cut a little short today. Back in full in the coming days.

- After missing 16 games with a sore back, Allen Iverson returned to the Piston's lineup this week; well not really lineup, and that's sort of the problem. Iverson has been coming off the bench since his return, an arrangement he had endorsed while he was injured. I remember hearing that he was ok with a bench role and then immediately bracing myself for the apocalypse. Luckily my faith in Iverson, and to a much larger extent in the inevitability of existence, has been restored. Its only been three games and Iverson is already tired of his new role. He would rather retire than come off the bench; he said, "I recently discovered there is an "I"in Pistons, and a capital "I" in Iverson." AI has been a starter since he was the number one overall pick in 1996, and is the poster child for athlete primadonnadom(ness?). Talking about Iverson issues gives me a chance to bring up a ThemSports favorite, let this wash over you:

That's the Iverson I like. Not the one who chopped off his rows and accepted a bench role. If you ask me, you gotta do you, and nobody does he better than Allen Iverson. Part of me is glad Iverson has resorted to his old ways, I was waiting for the seasons to stop changing.